i say it because i actually feel like i’m back from the dead.
after i spent monday curled up in a ball on my couch, laptop at my feet, under a down blanket in 90 degree weather, with my AC pointed directly at me, making little whimper noises for no one to hear, i’m alive today. i seriously spent all monday like that. i have a habit of making this really sad and pathetic sounding noise when i’m sick, it goes back to when i’d get sick when i lived with my mom. i’d do this every once in a while to get attention so she’d ask if i needed anything and i always thought of something i could use. i was a wreck on monday though. and in an email to M i made note of how i didn’t have any medicine (because i’d so smartly cleaned out my medicine cabinet a couple of weeks ago and threw everything out) and how i had nothing to eat. i guess that’s the email equivilant of my sad whimpering sound.
i started to get very upset when M didn’t offer to bring me medicine OR food. as the day went on i got more and more upset. i was partly upset because i’d just spent the weekend at M’s which meant that i got rid of all my food on thursday because i usually go grocery shopping on monday when i get back so that i don’t have to worry about anything having gone bad in my kitchen when i come home. and i was also partly upset because i knew that if we were engaged already and living together i wouldn’t be stuck all sick and alone. a part of me was partly upset because M has always taken care of me too, and he suddenly wasn’t. he used to come over and take care of my sick little self way before we were even dating, and i never had to ask. yet on monday there i was, at home, sick as a dog, hinting as strongly as possible to no avail.
finally M called me when he got back from teh gym after work. asking me if i’d gone out to get food and medicine. i became indignant and informed him that i was too sick to do any of that, and i’d told him so in my emails. he then offered to come bring me food and medicine, i declined. he offered again, i continued to make it difficult for him (as i’m known to do). i finally caved, as he knew i would if he just asked enough times. of course i wanted him to bring me food and medicine, but i can’t help myself about being a jerk. especially when i felt this bad and cranky already.
when he showed up with my groceries and pills he told me i was hot. not because i hadn’t showered since sunday morning or brushed my teeth but because my skin felt as if i were on fire. so i took my temperature. sure enough i was running a very high fever. what a relief. i’m always convinced that people think i’m faking deathly ill (most likely because i have done so a time or two) so having a fever made me feel validated. and M is just so cute. he stayed and had a pb&j sammy with me then gave me a lecture about continuing to take my temperature throughout the night because if it got to 103 i needed to go to the hospital. telling me to sleep without the blanket even though i felt cold. telling me to stay hydrated. he really does take good care of me. i just love him.
so anyway, i feel better today but still not great. i’m hoping to feel normal tomorrow. fingers crossed.
until then i’m just hanging out, working, and looking up stuff for my imaginary wedding. it’s kinda fun and pretty boring all at the same time. i’ve had to cancel 2 pilates classes which means next time i go it’s gonna hurt. i’ve also finally showered. yah, when i get sick i keep the same pjs on for days, i don’t shower, let everything grow out, i barely eat, and i don’t brush my teeth because it makes me gag. sounds terribly gross i know, but that’s just what i do. luckily i have a brow appt. today which is highly necessary. and i spent my lunch in the shower today. i’m feeling better, thanks for your well wishes bloggy friends : )
~ today i learned… Walt Disney was afraid of mice. ~
it's always like this 