it’s always like this

March 8, 2010

ire, irk, anger

Filed under: family ties — notsojenny @ 8:21 am

i woke up angry.

like, irrationally angry.

at/about/because of one person.  someone who is in my life no matter what, it’s not my husband but someone else i’m not legally bound to but bound still the same. you get my drift?

and i’m at a point where i can’t talk to her.  so many things have just added up over the years and i’m at a point now where i can barely deal with it.  i suck it up at times because she’s family, and i love her.  but sometimes i wonder how much you have to love someone just because of blood.  i’m sure i will suck it up again but right now i need a break.

this person just drives me mad.  i could create a post 4 days long detailing the issues but i will try to keep it short.  the thing that has really gotten to me this time is the dishing part.  you know how they say there are people who “can dish it out but can’t take it”… well, that defines her.  and i’ve just about had it.

she’s always been up in my business, telling me what to do, who to talk to, what i should and shouldn’t be spending my money on, etc.  except i’ve never asked for this input – it’s always just been freely thrown my way, like it or not (hinthint, it’s the latter).  but if you DARE to give an opinion/advice/feedback on her life, her decisions, you will be screamed at.  told that you’re a terrible person. threatened with punishments.  hung up on.  that’s the usual order.

because she doesn’t think about other people’s feelings but everyone should tip toe around hers.  that’s just the way it is.  and you can NOT have a different opinion about ANYTHING.  she can’t function if you do, she’ll drive you insane about it until you just say “oh, i see your point, you win.” and she’ll be the first person to tell you she is not capable of agreeing to disagree.  and being that we have VERY different opinions i’m sure you can see how this is a point of contention.

but now, now she’s gone and done something that i think it’s stupid and irresponsible.  and as a mother and wife i feel she should have used better judgement.  and she called to ask me about it before she made the decision – which i knew meant she’d already decided but was hoping i’d agree with her points.  i didn’t.  i gently tried to sway her by bringing up questions that should have made her doubt her decision but she was too far gone at that point.  and i knew it.  but i had really really hoped that maybe she’d come to her senses.  she didn’t.

and without reiterating the entire conversation for the last 6 months to back it up… her decision doesn’t affect me.  not directly.  on a day to day basis it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with me.  it’s her money.  her time.  her life.  her decision.  but she’s going to regret it.  and i know that.  and that plus the irresponsibility bother me.  i feel she’s made a terrible mistake.

but the part that ires me, the part that makes me wake up steaming mad, is that i can’t say a DAMN thing to her about it.  because i know how it will go.  it’s always dramatic no matter how much of a normal conversation it should be.  and i know, i would put my entire life savings and our house on it, if the situation were reversed she’d be the first person to relay her discontent.  she’d have no qualms about telling me i’m not thinking ahead, that i really don’t have the finances to fund it, that maybe once i’m out of debt i should take it on, because it’s a big mistake and i’ll regret it within 2 years but i’ll still have many more to go.

there are so many more little details but i don’t want to air all my family’s dirty laundry on here (even though it’s tempting).  i’m just sick of talking to someone that i always have to bite my tongue around but she never does.  and if she says something that’s insulting or hurtful to you, you can’t say anything about that either.  because she’ll get mad at you for being hurt by something that she wasn’t saying to try to hurt you.  um, yah, but in the same way that when someone says “brunettes are just freakin boring and lifeless” around me it does hurt, and i am offended because hi, i’m standing right here, and i’m a brunette.  bad example but you get the point, right?

so i ask you, do you have family that makes you feel this way?  are there people you can’t stand that you know you would never be friends with and if they weren’t blood they wouldn’t be in your life?  what do you do?  do you take little breaks away from these people like i do to kind of regroup so you can deal with them again or do you tell them they need to act like a normal person or else?



~ today i learned… Puccini’s Madama Butterfly is the #1 most played opera in North America ~


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