it’s always like this

March 3, 2010

better late than…

Filed under: a baby story, maybe it's me — notsojenny @ 8:53 am

my period was late recently.

and i freaked out.

like could not sleep.  could not think.  had no appetite.  freaked the f out.

because i worried that i might be pregnant.  WORRIED.  after all the posts i’ve written about my 105° baby fever, me, the girl who wants a baby in her belly yesterday, that same girl worried she was pregnant.

so why did this not make me ecstatic? 

because it wasn’t what i planned.  and while i am so excited to get pregnant some day and am looking forward to starting our family i/we have a plan.  and being pregnant TODAY is not part of that plan. 

but mostly i freaked out because i’d been taking my pills.  i’m really good about that.  i’m not one of those people that sometimes forgets and has to take 2 every other day (okay, that used to be me but i’ve been really good for a few years now). so how could it have happened anyway??  i started running back through the past months in my head… had i forgotten to take one and forgot about that?  had i thrown up maybe and that pill didn’t make it into my system?  was i the .1% that got pregnant on the pill?  what could have happened?!?

because the worst part about it was that if i somehow was pregnant i was afraid no one would believe me.  with my crazy baby fever it would have been pretty obvious to other people that i just stopped taking my pills and was trying to dupe my husband.  heck, i even began to wonder if maybe i’d subconsciously done that.  there’s no way ANYONE would have believed it was an accident.  and that’s the part that bothered me the most.  the idea that that child would be the reason my husband never trusted me again.

ugh, there’s really no point to this post.  i guess it’s just all about the fact that i was super excited when i finally got my period and that made me realize i’m NOT baby crazy.  it’s not just that i want a baby to have a baby… i want us to start our family when we’re ready and this was just further proof that we’re not ready, i’m not ready… not just yet.



~ today i learned… A Star is Born will be released on Blu-Ray this year (the good one, the Judy one) ~


1 Comment »

  1. I freak the eff out too, even though we’re so close to babytime (like October, close). I just have so much I need to do before OCtober.

    Also. A Star is Born…Judy.was.ROBBED.

    Comment by littlespoon — March 3, 2010 @ 10:30 am

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