it’s always like this

February 9, 2010


Filed under: growing pains, step by step — notsojenny @ 8:49 am

i was working with the TV on in the background the other day, as always, because it provides great whitenoise that makes me less lonely.  most of the time i have no idea what’s going on on screen more or less what show is even on, but sometimes i hear something that makes my ears perk up.

the other day i was running reports when from the background i heard

“a new report shows that women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30”

i involuntarily clutched my stomach and the tears started flowing.  not being able to get pregnant once we decide to start trying is one of my biggest fears, thinking about that and miscarriages keeps me up at night… regularly.

i’m so jealous of all the people out there who have decided to get pregnant and had no trouble.  i’m so jealous every time i read a post from someone in their early/mid 20’s who’s married the man they’ll spend the rest of their life with.  i’m so jealous when people have enjoyed just being married for a few years and are now deciding to start their family… and they’re not even 30.

don’t get me wrong, i would never have wanted to marry the person i was dating 10 years ago.  but i wish i’d found M back then.  i wish we weren’t getting older every year.  i wish science could make my body BE 26 as long as i want to continue celebrating that birthday.  i wish we could spend 5 more years JUST US and then start the family we want and not have to worry about whether or not we’d be able to get pregnant, not worry about the medical concerns that come with “parents of advanced age”, not have to worry about whether we’d be around to celebrate when our children decide to get married.  i just wish getting older wasn’t so scary and didn’t start everything moving so fast.



~ today i learned… camels have 3 eyelids ~



  1. I heard the same thing the other day too. Although I am far from having baby-fever, and both L and i agree that that point in our lives is a good 3-5 years away, I began to worry myself. I’ll be 27 in two weeks (that’s a technicality though, because in my opinion, I’m turning 26 again :) and that brings me closer to that line that they talked about.

    I’m with ya on this one, it’s a worry. :(

    Comment by DanceintheRain — February 9, 2010 @ 12:35 pm

  2. Don’t fret! While it is a stat, it may very well not affect you at all. I am over 10 years older than you and while I don’t want kids (just want to find ONE date with a non-freak and MAYBE one day be married…maybe), I personally know many friends and family members who had kids when they were 30 or early 30s. So, wherever your life path takes you and whatever decision you and hubby make regarding family, I’d say, don’t stress over this factoid or let it carry too much weight over other factors in your decision. OMG, I just realize I don’t even really remember when I was 26. That’s just sad. Time for my Geritol!

    Comment by Mon — February 9, 2010 @ 7:35 pm

  3. You have no idea how much this freaks me out too! By the time I finish grad school and internships and blah blah blah I’ll be almost 35. So I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and hopefully, maybe start trying while I’m still in school. Being a mom is just too important to me to take any risks with it.

    Comment by Megkathleen — February 9, 2010 @ 8:14 pm

  4. *big giant hug*

    Comment by stealthnerd — February 9, 2010 @ 9:30 pm

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