it’s always like this

January 15, 2010


Filed under: growing pains, maybe it's me — notsojenny @ 11:17 am

i started thinking that i’d write this post about my most mortifying moment ever (so far, i’m sure there will be more) .  i have no idea what triggered the memory but it all came back to me in the shower one day.  but then as i started to type it all out more memories came back to me.  other moments in my life that were logged as “the most embarrassing”.  but these are the ones drilled into my memory, those moments you look back on, even though they were 20+ years ago, and they still sting because you can remember the exact feeling you had at that moment, and you thought you would just die.

my first most embarrassing moment was at a birthday party.  i must have been about junior high age.  i had a “boyfriend” and he was there.  i remember it all so clearly.  we were in the basement of this girl’s house and the game that always came up when it was a coed party was started – Truth or Dare.  and it was early in the game when it was my turn and somehow i ended up with Dare… or maybe the boyfriend did, i guess all the details aren’t crystal clear.  but the Dare was that we had to kiss.  and at this point other people had kissed, and it was all sloppy and there was tongue and what not, so there was a definite expectation.  and i was PETRIFIED!  i don’t remember how it played out but i somehow claimed “laryngitis” and ended up locking myself in the bathroom.  i have no idea when i came out of there or how i left the party  but if i close my eyes today i can be right there, in the bathroom, all by myself, listening to everyone talk and giggle about it outside and i was sweating, crying, my heart was racing.  heck if there were a window in there i most definitely would have crawled out it and walked home.   i had kissed boys at that point but not like that.  and i wasn’t about to venture into that with a guy i really liked in front of everyone.  like i said, i have no idea how that day/party ended but that boy was my “boyfriend” for over 2 years so i guess he wasn’t nearly as embarrassed as i was : )

my second most embarrassing moment was after i was out of high school.  i had been working with a temp agency to get work and they would normally set me up with some receptionist type stuff but this time they’d set me up on a gig with a local company and i had no idea what i was going to be doing.  so i wanted to look nice.  being under 20 i went out to Express and picked out a brand new outfit.  i was so excited.  i can clearly remember the skirt.  it was a pencil skirt that came just below the knee, the bottom layer was this ivory fabric with a bamboo leaf pattern and it had this almost sheer black layer over it.  for some reason i remember that it had a red tag in it, or maybe it was a red hem, either way i really loved the color combo.  and i bought an ivory sweater to go with it and some black mary jane pumps.  i felt so good that morning when i put it all on.  i knew i looked good, i felt professional.  and i arrived to my assignment that day uber confident.  and when i got there i found out i was going to be doing data entry, not in a cubicle, in this large room side by side and front and back with other people.  hmpf, okay, no big deal.  i figured i’d talk to the temp company at the end of the day and let them know it’s not really what i was looking for but until then i’d just buckle down and do my job.  it was cake work anyway.  so the woman in charge showed me to my seat and gave me a quick tutorial on what i was to do and then disappeared.  as i began working i had questions and it was then that i quickly noticed that the woman who had showed me what to do was no where to be found and i would have just asked my neighbors but it was obvious none of them spoke english.  i figured out the work best i could and just kept going.  i saw people leave in small groups for periods of time, i didn’t know if it was smoke breaks or what.  i was starving and wanted to know when lunch was, it was after 2pm, but no one could answer me.  when i finally saw the woman in charge she told me i was supposed to take 30 minutes for lunch HOURS ago but i could take it now, “this ONE time”.  i was so upset and up until then i’d been placed in great jobs that gave me rave reviews and here i was already screwing up on my first day.  so i hauled out of there and went straight to Wendy’s.  keep in mind this is back when they had the salad bar, and i don’t care what you think of it, i LOVED it!  their pasta was, eh, but the garlic bread??  oh. my. word.  i’ve still never had anything like it.  it was these pieces of butt bread, so buttery and garlicy and delicious!!  but i digress, i walked into the Wendy’s and made a beeline for the ladies room as i was about to pee my pants (again, no one could understand me to tell me where it was at the job) and as i was washing my hands i saw it.  the sticker on my skirt.  the sticker that has “S     S     S    S” all vertical down it.  the sticker that identified that i’d just bought this outfit.  and i guess it was just in addition to the rest of my experiences that day but i started bawling.  i didn’t even grab lunch.  i just drove home.  i called the temp agency when i got home and made up some excuse about being sick or something.  i felt like such a fool and all i could remember was the people around me speaking a language i didn’t know, acting like they couldn’t understand me when i spoke to them, and probably laughing at me the whole time.  i was so mortified!

i can’t explain why these moments stuck with me and so many other slightly less embarrassing things may have rolled off my back but they just did.  and i assume we all have moments like this, right?  things that happen that we just can’t forget.  i mean i’m not crazy right?  do you have these too??



~ today i learned… the design filler “lorem ipsum…” goes back over 4 centuries and stems from Cicero – original text was “Neque porro quisquam est qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit . . .” (“There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain . . .”) and this was pulled at random as type face way back when and has just kinda stuck around ~


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