it’s always like this

December 29, 2009

and furthermore

Filed under: maybe it's me, step by step, wonder years — notsojenny @ 9:33 am

since i wrote about it, since it happened, plenty of  time has now passed and i’ve spent many hours and days just sitting back.  keeping my mouth shut.  watching.  listening.  taking in what others say and more importantly how they say it.

because i’ve always been aware that my attitude shows in my delivery.  i wear my emotions on my sleeve.  i don’t sugar coat, i don’t pussy foot.  everything has always just been plain and simple to me.  but i’ve always made sure not to say things i know would hurt peoples feelings (unless it was the rare case where i’ve felt that is exactly what i intended to do).  going back to the whole Uggs thing for an example. 

what i am likely to say: oh man, i think Uggs are one of the worst trends in the past few years.  i just don’t get it.  they definitely “put the u-g in ugly”.

what i would never say: are you really wearing a pair of Uggs?  oh my gosh how tacky.  seriously, have you zero taste??  they’re atrocious.

reading that i definitely think the things i would normally say are not necessarily attacks as much as personal opinion.  strong opinion?  maybe.  but just an opinion the same.  what i think would categorize me as “mean” to anyone may be the tone of voice i use when saying such a thing.  even though i don’t think i put a super negative spin on it, i feel i’m just saying it as matter of fact, i’m sure this is where i come off as “mean”.  and what’s even more frustrating is that i kept my mouth shut for days, i listened to everyone around me make the same exact comments i would normally make but somehow those were well received.  i couldn’t help but think if i had said what they just said it would have been considered “bitchy”.   and what i knew going into my little experiment was proven after i didn’t state my opinions for a few days, i said very very little to the point where M was worried that something was very wrong with me… but what was confirmed is what i already knew.

it’s all about delivery. 

as i’ve said before i was raised on television and just watching shows recently i realized people say much meaner things on there than i do but no one would ever categorize those characters as “mean”.  take Grace on Will & Grace.  listen to one episode of her commentary and tell me that taken out of context, if the person on the other end of the conversation didn’t know it was humor, she would be considered a total bitch too, right?  but because of her dopey and endearing delivery it’s all hilarity and cuteness.  am i wrong??

i’m not saying i’m Grace level of funny but you get the point.  i guess i’ve always just thought being sarcastic was funny to everyone, making opinionated commentary was okay because everyone has opinions.  but i guess i know now that i have to go one of two ways – not let other people’s opinions of me bother me or keep my opinions to myself.

i’m trying to do the latter.  whenever possible i’m thinking before i speak and making a conscious decision to keep quiet.  hopefully some day i can shake this “mean” title.



~ today i learned… the tournament of roses parade originated in 1886 when members of the Valley Hunt club decorated their carriages with flowers to celebrate the ripening of the orange crop ~


1 Comment »

  1. […] some things that were said to me to heart.  and it made me upset.  and i spent much time reflecting on what it meant about me, about who i am.  and what i can do to change […]

    Pingback by thumpf (the sound of closing the book) « it’s always like this — January 22, 2010 @ 9:16 am

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