it’s always like this

July 6, 2009

dream weddings

Filed under: a wedding story, maybe it's me, wonder years — notsojenny @ 8:54 am

it’s funny to me to read about so many people getting married, and talking to people who are planning their wedding or just got married.  i keep hearing a ton of things that just… i don’t know, i mean they don’t surprise me but i guess i’m just surprised at the frequency which others say it.  i knew some people did it but i never did so i assumed a good number of people hadn’t either.

i never pictured my wedding.  ever.  i never had that “this is what my wedding will look like now i just need to find a face to fill in on that man at the altar” feeling. 

i never fully realized that until recently.  just listening to other people talk about finally having a face for that man, it struck me.  i never planned a wedding until about last year… i did start planning before we were officially engaged so i guess i can kinda fit in with other girls in a way.  but i never had all those visions.  sure when my sister was planning her wedding i went with her to a dress shop or two and i critiqued dresses on what i liked and what i didn’t.  when S was planning her wedding i looked at flowers and thought, no, i don’t want those.  but i feel that those are just matters of opinion, not so much imagining what i will have at my (future) wedding.

but i never gave it all much thought as a whole.  of course i thought i was in love before, i thought i’d met the man i would spend the rest of my life with (to which i was obviously very very wrong all those times *thank goodness*) but it wasn’t until about a year into my official relationship with M that i really started to think MARRIAGE.  the commitment, the seriousness, everything major that comes along with it.  he was the first guy that i honestly thought “THIS is the man i’m going to marry!” “someday he will be my husband!”  “we’ll have kids together!”  and all of those other wonderful things that come along with that realization.  because no matter how many times i thought “yah this is the guy” it never felt real.  before M it was always more about “yah, i could see myself being with him forever” and less about “being with this man would make me happy every single day for the rest of my life!!”  i guess i’m not really good at articulating it but it was really just such a different feeling.  a sort of confirmation that i’d never felt before no matter how many times i thought i was with the right person… it had never felt this good, this right like it does with M!

so anyway, even before M, i never pictured what my wedding would be.  i know my style has changed over the years so it’s probably better that way, but i never had those feelings of  oh i want this type of dress, these flowers, this location, etc.  i didn’t start planning any wedding until last year.  even after i started planning i don’t believe i ever even daydreamed about my wedding.  does that make me weird?

even now i don’t find myself daydreaming about our wedding.  sometimes i try to envision what our reception is going to come together to look like, but that’s mostly for the event planner in me needing decoration logistics.  i just can’t envision our wedding day.  some people may think that’s a bad thing but i think it’s just the opposite.  i don’t want to surmise the overall day.  i don’t want to assume what i’ll feel like when i slip my dress on, what emotions will come over me when i see M for the first time, or how i’ll feel when my mother and i reach the end of that aisle.  i just don’t feel the need to guess what all that will be like, i want it to just happen.  i don’t want to over think it.  i don’t want to plan it all out, i want it to overtake me i guess.  i want to react to it as it happens.

i’ve planned every emotion of my life for so long that i’d like for this day, this very big important day, to just take us by storm.  i want to enjoy every minute, every single second and every little thing that happens in between those seconds!  i don’t want to miss a moment of this day, i don’t want to think about how things will make me feel.  i just want to feel them.

and i can’t wait!!

  

  

~ today i learned… that the full policy is “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t pursue, don’t harass” ~

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3 Comments »

  1. You know, I think you’ll be better prepared to really feel the moment (as you say) for not having planned it out in advance. If you’re anything like me, imagining sort of takes the fun out of it–my imagination creates expectations that are pretty unrealistic, sets bars that will never be cleared in real life.

    I’ll confess that I’ve done a lot of thinking about future weddings myself, but I like to think they’re just daydreams … not ideas of any sort of reality.

    Comment by magda — July 6, 2009 @ 9:02 am

  2. I have totally felt the same way about you, in my mind the wedding doesn’t even seem real (but the marriage does… does that make sense?)
    Im not stressed about it but Im also not over the moon excited (yet, I hope that changes).
    Im more thrilled with the ideas of being married and having babies and even the honeymoon!

    Oh and I use a mouse too, but usually just on my crown (bangs too) and then blowdry and let the rest airdry. Im going to try the half dry, add mouse and then set method and see if it works, cause like you we are doing pictures before the ceremony and I really only care if my hair looks good for pics and ceremony.

    Comment by each — July 6, 2009 @ 1:11 pm

  3. I’ve always thought about my wedding, but never had realistic visions until the last year – all of which are such a huge mish mosh. The only plan I ever had was to get married at St. Patrick’s Cathedral with a cathedral length train with all my bridesmaids in Vera Wang, take a horse drawn carriage to Central Park and have our reception at Tavern on the Green. That, obviously, was just a fantasy. And once I actually saw Tavern on the Green, I was grossed out. haha. And none of that is actually my style.

    Comment by DanceintheRain — July 7, 2009 @ 9:04 pm


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