it’s always like this

June 17, 2009

stick it in

Filed under: growing pains, maybe it's me — notsojenny @ 9:14 am

so yesterday went well

it started off a little  funky, i got up in plenty of time but wasn’t sure how many xanax i was going to need.  sometimes 1 is enough, somethings require 2.  i decided i’dstart with 1 and if i was feeling any anxiety before we left i’d pop another.  well i was feeling fine when it came time to leave  so i just left them as is.

we got there a couple of minutes early at 8:25 (that is, earlier than the 30 minutes before my appt. time they suggest).  i was supposed to go in at 9am.  a girl who had a different Dr. but a 9am got called in at 8:45, i heard the receptionist call back there and remind them that i was all ready to go.  about 9:10 they finally came to get me… and they wouldn’t let M back there with me, not even just until they were done with the needles.  they said it’s because of the HIPPA privacy act.  um, i know they weren’t worried about my privacy and quite honestly i heard everything the guy in the next curtain was telling them about how his “system flushing” wasn’t quite complete… and everything that meant which you don’t want to know (he was obviously having a colonscopy).  so i had a hard time believing they were worried about any one else’s privacy either, the nurse said she would check and go get M if they allowed it but i know she never asked anyone.  by the time another nurse came in to set my IV i knew that instant that i hadn’t taken enough xanax.  the panic.  oh the panic.

she tried (as many do) to calmly and logically explain that it’s not going to hurt while my legs bounced all around and i held my free arm over my face as tears streamed down bothsides.  i knew she was trying to sweet talk me into calming down so i had to snap at her to just do it already!  more nurses/doctors/people in medicine really need to learn how to treat patients withanxiety… you can’t talk it away with words, you just have to ignore it.  at least that’s what works for me and i’ve only ever had one person administer a needle to me successfully to this point in my life… she was great : )

anyway, i was eventually greeted by yet another nurse who wheeled me away to a room and began setting me up on all the vital monitors.  they started beeping, then she unlocked the break, she took them off and wheeled me out (she was not a very talkative person) and then she parked me in the hall next to another nurse and said to her “here, this one’s yours.   i thought she was mine.  i’m going to get mine.”

umm, ok.  this new nurse (definitely more pleasant and friendly) wheeled me into the right room and hooked me up to the vitals once again.  i spent the next 45 minutes just listening to the beeps, watching the dots across the monitor, holding my breath to watch what it does, trying to raise and lower my pulse on command.  i know a hospital is not an arcade but really, what else was i supposed to do for the time i was just lying there waiting for my doctor?

he finally arrived.   i was told he’d talk to me before the procedure and tell me more about it.  when he got there i believe his words were “we’re going to put you to twilight sleep and then do the procedure, there’s always a risk of tears, bleeding, and other damage but we’re going to try to avoid those.” and then he nodded to the nurse and walked out of the room.  ummm, okaaay.  next thing i knew i was lying on my side, listening to the beeps get faster and faster as the nurse was repeating, just breathe in and breathe out, in and out. 

next i woke up to another new nurse (5th if you’re counting along) telling me it’s time to go.  the procedure was over and i’d already spent my 30 minutes in recovery.  from there it’s bits and pieces of visual and some audio memory.  i remember taking wobbly steps to get into the wheelchair, i remember seeing M standing there as the doors slid open and i remember smiling (even drugged i’m thrilled to see him).  the next thing i knew i woke up at home, thinking for a split second it was all a dream and i still had to go to get the procedure done.  but then i realized it wasn’t a dream, it was really over.

i went downstairs and began talking to M.  he told we had conversations in the car, i don’t remember them at all.  i asked him if he dressed me before they wheeled me out, he said no, i must have.  i had no clue.  apparently when we began talking in the car he started telling me about the new strict diet i’ve been put on and i began crying.  not because i was upset about my health being at this lousy point.  not because it’s going to be a ridiculously hard diet.  but because i asked “so i can’t have bacon?” and when M responded “no” i began bawling.

i’m awesome.  i began laughing when he told me this because the last time i was knocked out was when i had my wisdom teeth out.  to which i apparently was just out of anaesthesia and sat and listened as the nurse ran down the things i could eat for the next few days and i interrupted her to ask “can i have steak?” and she said “no”.  to which i began bawling.

what can i say, i love me some meat!



~ today i learned… the first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time tv were Fred and Wilma Flintstone ~



  1. Oh man, if someone told me I couldn’t have bacon, I’d start bawling too!!

    Comment by stealthnerd — June 17, 2009 @ 10:44 am

  2. you are hilarious. and i miss you. life is INSANE in these parts, but in all the best ways; we’ll catch up soon. in the mean time recover fast, and hang in there with that diet!

    Comment by magda — June 17, 2009 @ 11:34 am

  3. Hope you have a quick recovery!

    Comment by Jackie — June 17, 2009 @ 12:30 pm

  4. Hey! So I can’t check gmail from the ship, so this is my only real chance to respond, but I’m actually engaged, I suppose I phrased that poorly!

    I hope you have a quick recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by imfb — June 17, 2009 @ 12:42 pm

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