it’s always like this

June 9, 2009

loneliness: Week 1

Filed under: perfect strangers, step by step, the love boat — notsojenny @ 1:09 pm

this week marks the beginning of my perpetual loneliness.

why?  because M started his new job, which requires us to move, but we have to sell our house first, so he has to stay down there during the week days until we do.

on one hand i really enjoy time alone, and i’ve definitely lacked that since we moved in together.  on the other hand, i could spend 24hrs a day with him for the rest of my breathing days and be completely content!  i just love being around him, whether it’s snuggling up together and watching True Blood (5 more days), sitting on opposite sides of the room playing scrabble on facebook, or dancing around the backyard together… i enjoy our time together, i really do.

before we were engaged i constantly commented about how we didn’t spend enough time together.  we’d spend friday after work through monday a.m. at one person’s place (we’d rotate each week) and then we’d see each other 1-2 nights during the week.  okay, so that’s 4 days a week, not so bad, right?  but i wanted more… when it came time to move in back in January i was PSYCHED!  i couldn’t wait to see him every single day after work and kiss him goodbye every morning and STILL spend the entire weekend with him!

then a week after i got my stuff into the house his company went under and i got more than i wished for.  M and i have been spending 5 days a week together, almost 24hrs a day.  plus still seeing each other after work the other 2 days a week.

so yah, i wanted more time and i damn sure got it.  i’ve loved it too… yes, it’s been alot and we’ve started to take it for granted but i rather enjoy having him around all day long.

but now?  now i’ll see him friday after work until he kisses me goodbye monday morning, and i’m not looking forward to how long this might continue.  this week it’s not so bad.  i’m enjoying my time alone, doing those things he’d not enjoy… being a TOTAL slob, leaving dishes in the sink until “tomorrow”, leaving clothes thrown everywhere, etc.

while i’m enjoying the reverting back to my sloppy self there are many things i’m not enjoying too, here’s my list…

– actually being able to get out of bed in the morning because i have no one to cuddle with
– not having to do dishes as soon as i’m done eating
– eating mac-n-cheese w/hot dogs for dinner without having to add in “something healthy”
– eating dinner whenever i feel like it rather than when i get home because that’s when it’s ready
– not worrying about being unshowered, no one is going to see me
– running some errands with the girls rather than M, they make better Anthropologie trip buddies anyway
– not sheepishly walking through the front door with  my shopping bags since i know i should really be saving
– all the alone time i could ever ask for
– turning the AC down (up?), not freezing, and opening the windows instead!

– not having anyone to cuddle with in the morning, at night, any time during the day
– not getting a call at 6pm on days where i travel into the office to see what i would like for dinner
– not having anyone to kiss goodnight
– not having anyone to kiss good morning, goodbye, not having anyone to kiss period
– the messiness i create when no one is there to live in it with me
– there’s no one to count off my pushups each night, i’m not good at pushing myself to do them… or anything really
– all the noises and creakiness of the house that make me pull the covers over my head and hope the intruder just won’t see me
– having to clean the entire house myself before M gets back for the weekend (of course 90% of the mess was created by me anyway, i know)

i could go on with the cons for quite a while actually.  in general i just miss having him around.  doing any wedding planning without him just doesn’t feel right but we/i need to get the stuff done as time is starting to become more scarce.  it’s just a total bummer without him around, i miss him, and i can’t wait until we can move and be together every day again!!



~ today i learned… in the movie Casablanca they actually used little people to work on the plane in the background since it wasn’t real or life size… it was a cardboard cutout version ~



  1. Aww, you poor thing! Trust me, I feel your pain. I am counting down the days until I can be done with this whole “long distance” thing once and for all! 2.5 years of that is just 2.5 too many!!!

    Comment by stealthnerd — June 9, 2009 @ 2:33 pm

  2. I know how you feel. I can never get enough of L. And in addition to pulling the covers over your head, if you lie real still – so still that your muscles hurt – they definitely won’t be able to see you. I’ve avoided several intruders that way… or the sounds of the wind anyway ;)

    Comment by DanceintheRain — June 9, 2009 @ 4:06 pm

  3. You’ll be together again soon! Hopefully being apart will make your time together that much more special :)

    Comment by Jackie — June 9, 2009 @ 4:42 pm

  4. Hang in there! It sucks for the present, no doubt about it. Just think of this as your waning days of singledom. It’s a countdown with a purpose. He’ll be yours forever more, and there’s such happy promise in that! This suffering, it’s but temporary. (But keep enjoying that lazy messiness. Live up the pros, I say, to drown out the cons…)

    Comment by magda — June 9, 2009 @ 10:15 pm

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