it’s always like this

March 26, 2009


Filed under: just shoot me, maybe it's me, perfect strangers — notsojenny @ 9:26 am

so i have good reason to believe there’s been a security breach

you see i’m anonymous.  as anonymous as one can be when using her name and email address in replies to friendly commenters.  but for the most part i cut my face out of photos and i don’t reveal all of my personal information for the public through this blog.  i say alot about my life, yes.  and i’m sure if someone really wanted to figure out exactly who i was, they could.

but i’ve known all along that this day might come.  that it might happen that some day someone i actually know would find my anonymous blog and know it was me.  up until now only 2 people knew i kept this.  one person knew where to find it and actually reads every so often to keep up with what i’m doing.  the other person is M.  he knows of it, he knows how active i am on it and other blogs, but yet he doesn’t know the URL.  i’ve been open with him about it and if he ever wanted to actually read anything here i would gladly give him the address.  but he doesn’t.  he respects my privacy and knows that there isn’t anything i don’t tell him anyway.

but as i’ve started to post wedding details i’ve started to worry.  someone might find this in trying google more info about our wedding venue or our city.  and i believe it’s finally happened.  i started to notice the search term “wedding richmond valentine museum” coming up in my popular searches… and then i checked my site meter.  sure enough there was a hit from the town where my best friend lives.  M said, it’s probably a coincidence.  but i know it’s not.  i checked the lat/long coordinates and it led me to a location 2 blocks from her house… i’m pretty sure it’s her.

so i freaked out a little.  i went through and password protected some things.  not because there’s anything i wouldn’t want her to read but because i put things here, rather than in her (or someone else’s) ear for a reason.  you know how it’s always easier to talk to strangers?  how you can tell them the things you would never tell anyone you know?  well that’s what this blog is for me.  i can vent without fear of hurting someone’s feelings, without fear that they’ll take something the wrong way.  but now i have to be more careful.

part of me got very scared, why hasn’t she said anything to me about it?  is she mad that i kept this from her?  is she taking it as an insult that i have this whole history on my blog that i never told her about?

then part of me got upset, why wouldn’t she tell me that she knows about it?  there’s no way she doesn’t know it’s me, the photos of our wedding stuff alone give it away.  why would she keep it secret that she knows?   is she spying on me through this now?

i don’t really know what to feel but i guess we’re kind of even.  i do have to say that i haven’t seen that address come up any more on my meter though… but you can be damn sure i’m keeping a watchful eye on it now.



  1. That’s tough. I struggled with whether to be anonymous or not when I first started blogging. At first I had the url on my facebook page and told one of my friends about it. But then I took it out as I started making candid comments about L’s family and I didn’t want his sister to find it. Then I decided I wouldn’t even tell him. It’s nice to have a place to vent. To air your frustrations. To get opinions of other people who are way outside of the problem. I ended up telling L about it several months later for various reasons and now he reads regularly. In a way, I’m glad he reads because it’s nice to have someone to talk about it with. But on the other hand, he’ll sometimes say, can you change the way you wrote this, it makes me sound bad? And well… I wrote it that way for a reason. Not to make him sound bad (because he’s not, obviously), but because that’s how I felt about the situation. After he started reading I started to censor what I wrote – especially about him/his family, but I stopped. What I write on here about him/his family, I’m going to tell him too, because we’re very open like that/I’m kind of crazy.

    I don’t blame you for putting a password on some of your posts. And as for confronting your friend, I really just don’t know. Maybe she didn’t say anything to you because she recognized this as an outlet for you and left it at that. Or maybe she’s not sure what to think since she’s your best friend and you didn’t tell her. I think that’s a tough situation. But if you find this to be a helpful outlet for yourself, then I dont think you should stop (plus, I really like reading your blog :) ). You can keep putting passwords up or if it really bothered you, you could try a different URL, but it would probably be inevitable that she would find it if she were still reading.

    Sorry, I know none of this is much help – and I’m going to save myself the second comment and appologizing for hijacking your space with what I know is a humongous comment. :)

    Comment by DanceintheRain — March 26, 2009 @ 10:06 am

  2. This is a really tough question, and is something that’s been crossing my mind more and more as I’m meeting bloggers in real life–a lot of my friends here now are bloggers and know about my site. The nature of my blog has changed dramatically over the last year. What started as a place for me to be totally faceless, to say whatever crossed my mind and feel like I was connecting without really knowing anyone, are over. I hate to think that I write for an audience, but I’m definitely more controlled than I used to be. I read back through some of my older posts and cringe. I’ve thought about deleting the more ridiculous ones lots of times.

    I worry about people finding me, too. The only people who know about my blog are bloggers themselves, which is something of a quid pro quo. The only exception is one of my best friends from home; I told her about it over christmas when she was feeling lonely and isolated and was asking me how I was hanging in there. She’s since started her own, though, which kind of puts her in the same category. Even now, though, I’ll get to freaking out that I’ve mentioned her in older posts–which I know I have–and that I’ve said things that could, out of the context of that moment, that post, be offensive.

    I’d be worried, too, that she hasn’t said anything to you, that she hasn’t commented or anything. I think I’d mostly be afraid that she was somehow offended by what she found. That would be terrible, and I really hope that’s not the case. Maybe she just found the posts with the venue pictures, and looked at them without realizing where she was, and then journeyed on? Ever the optimist, that’s me. Do you know how long she stayed on the site?

    I’m so impressed by your latitude/longitude skills, too. I’m pretty sure I never would have figured that out.

    Crazy times, this Internet age! So crazy.

    Comment by magda — March 26, 2009 @ 2:33 pm

  3. Let it play its course for now. Perhaps she just doesn’t know how to bring it up. Or perhaps she stumbled upon it, thinks its fun and is trying gather information for you and doesn’t even know its you! Wouldn’t that be interesting? :)

    Comment by littlespoon — March 26, 2009 @ 3:52 pm

  4. I also in the position where few of my “real life” friends and none of my family know about my blog. I had the link on my facebook for about a day before I decided it didn’t need to be there, but I don’t think anyone found it that quickly. I do have a location tracker on mine, but so far, my hometown hasn’t shown up, though a few places in NH have and I always wonder a bit. I do post pictures, but I don’t give any intimate details, so I don’t know if that makes me anonymous or not?

    I like LittleSpoon’s thought, that maybe she hasn’t realized that it is you! Or if she has, maybe she wonders why you haven’t told her about it? Regardless, I don’t think I’d say anything to her about it.

    Comment by Lexi — March 27, 2009 @ 11:30 am

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