it’s always like this

December 9, 2008

oh for christ’s sake

Filed under: perfect strangers — notsojenny @ 11:59 am

once M and i fell in love with the Wilton House i began realizing that we might in fact get married at my church and not at the same place as the reception (which is what we would have done at the plantations) so i started my emails.  i sent an email to the woman in charge of wedding stuff and she sent me back a “congratulations!  but you have to be a member here to get married here.” message.  um, what?  okay, let me be more clear.  so i replied to her:

me: oh i am a member.  i’ve been attending church there for about 4 years now.
church lady: but you’re not in our database.  i’ve been here since 1995 and not much slips by me.
me: um, but i swear i’ve been going there for 4 years! 
church lady: well we have you in here but only as a visitor.  you’re not a member.

what.  the.  hell?!  okay, i do have to claim some sort of ignorance here because i had no clue that you weren’t a member of a church just because you go there.  i know that’s my own stupidity.  but i’ve been going to service there for 4 years!  they have my attendance cards.  i get the newsletter every damn week in the mail even though it’s got nothing interesting in it if your kids aren’t in bible school or bell choir.  i’ve been tithing their requested 10% every damn year!  and they don’t consider me a member!?!

i’m so pissed.  she went ahead and gave me the steps i need to take to become an official member and it includes having my pastor over my house for coffee (um, i don’t have a coffee maker… i hope he likes Sanka) and then taking classes every wednesday for 4 weeks and then standing up in front of the congregation to become a member.  i have to admit i’ve seen that last part be done plenty of times but i always just assumed it was people changing religion or just joining our community.  and the thought of standing up in front of my 230+ full church with all eyes on me makes me want to pee myself.  on top of this month long process i need to be a member for at least 6 months before we can get married there.

urrggh!!  how does my 4 years not count as time served!?  why didn’t someone ever say “hey you’ve been coming here and donating to our church for years, why don’t you join?”  i’m so mad.  at myself and at my church.  if M and i can’t get married there because of this 6 month thing i’m going to lose it.  i really wanted to be married by my religion and if i can’t i’m going to be very upset.  it just irks me that i’ve been contributing to this church for so long and then they have the nerve to not even acknowledge me.  i’ve never “joined” a church before.  how are you supposed to know this stuff?  i mean i was baptized and went to church with my family and then i moved out on my own.  no one ever tells you there are steps you have to take to officially join another church location… or no one ever told me anyway.

i guess i just feel hurt because they didn’t even know i existed and i really felt like i was a part of that congregation.



~ today i learned… Deborah Winger was the voice of E.T. ~



  1. wow. we just had to fill out a membership form to join ours – that just seems like such a process :/

    Better to get it out of the way though? Good luck! <3

    Comment by Heidi — December 9, 2008 @ 12:10 pm

  2. that is so intensely frustrating! You’d think they could just waive you in, seeing as you’ve been so involved. And seriously? Do they regularly send newsletters to visitors, and accept their continuous tithes? Boo.

    I’m still technically a member of my crazy neighborhood catholic church. I need to exit their database, I think, seeing as I haven’t gone in over a year. That could be awkward.

    Comment by magda — December 9, 2008 @ 12:35 pm

  3. That is an incredible amount of bullshit. I can’t believe a place of worship would have that many rules for membership. I’ve joined a lot of churches and have been many denominations but I’ve never encountered that.

    May I ask which denomination the church is you attend?

    Comment by littlespoon — December 9, 2008 @ 2:46 pm

  4. Oh, I would be beyond pissed. That’s absolutely insane! I’ve been a member of multiple congregations before and never had to go through that kind of rigamarole. You’d think they would want to have you married there and would welcome you and be understanding if you didn’t feel comfortable standing in front of the whole congregation. It’s complete bullshit if you ask me.

    Comment by Megkathleen — December 9, 2008 @ 2:54 pm

  5. Best blog post title I’ve seen in a long time. Awesome.

    Comment by apollocreed — December 9, 2008 @ 3:52 pm

  6. I would be pissed too. You would think that they could somehow waive the whole needing to be a member for 6 months thing since you go so often and for so long. I can understand you still needing to go to the classes and get up in front of everyone (I wouldn’t want to do it either, but if that’s how it works, I guess that’s how it works) – but I think it’s crazy they would still make you wait. You are obviously a committed member of their congregation. Did the lady seem like she could be reasoned with, or was she pretty set in her rules?

    Comment by DanceintheRain — December 10, 2008 @ 11:04 am

  7. […] Filed under: a wedding story — notsojenny @ 10:31 am in continuation of the church debacle i had sent an email to the events lady at my church the day before we were meeting with our […]

    Pingback by sanctuary « it’s always like this — December 22, 2008 @ 10:35 am

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