it’s always like this

November 24, 2008

i swear they’re a little bigger right now

Filed under: just shoot me — notsojenny @ 7:55 pm

i had a pretty serious pregnancy scare recently.  i don’t know what i mean by “pretty serious” but it seemed to help me get my point across.  i’ve talked before about how i’ve taken plenty of pregnancy test in my life and it’s always been because i had a bad feeling, not because of any other reason, and it’s always been in between periods.  they’ve been fleeting fears that have been calmed with the little pink minus sign.

until this one.  this time i didn’t get my period and that was a scary thing.  i’ve never missed a period.  ever.  and it caught me very off guard.  i took one of the tests in my cabinet.  negative.  hmm, okay.  no big deal.  i just started these kid friendly pills so i figured maybe that was it.  until the days started to pass and i didn’t feel good.  i felt off.  i took more tests.  all negative.  i had a backof my mind fear about it but figured i was probably okay.  so i waited, and i felt worse.  suddenly there was nausea.  every day.  especially when it came to food.  i knew that i had to tell M.  but i really i didn’t want to.  it’s one thing to scare myself about this but to bring him into it?  i tossed and turned over it for a couple of days but decided that while weeks were flying by i needed to tell him before it was too late.  after all i couldn’t imagine telling “so… i’m 3 months pregnant”.  so i finally just said it.  the two of us spent the past week completely nervous about it but trying to hide it so as to not to make the other one nervous too.  and i took tests, many many tests.  all negative.  now a sane person would hear this and think “you’re obviously not pregnant, fool!” and as much as i wanted to believe that i still felt like crap.  and i couldn’t eat much and was sick to my stomach in ways i’ve never been before.  i’ve lost alot of sleep in the past couple of weeks.  i’ve done alot of crying, scared out of my mind.  i have no idea what i’d do if i were in fact right about my suspicions.  i mean married or not i can’t imagine anything worse than an unwanted pregnancy.  having a child you haven’t planned for and don’t want seems just as awful as the alternative.  i still haven’t come to a clear decision on what i’d do. 

i thought this was really bad until i watched tv last night and saw a woman who’d been carrying around her dead calcified baby for 46 years.  46 years!  a calcified human inside of you for 46 years!  uggh.

anyway, i didn’t want to end up on the show “i didn’t know i was pregnant” where a baby drops into the toilet one night after suffering “bad cramps” so i called my Dr today.  they gave me the cold shoulder telling me i’m most likely not pregnant and they are on short staff so they won’t be fulfilling my request of an exam.  they would be happy to give me a pee test.  so i went out and… of course bought more tests.  after a couple more negatives i’m starting to feel a little more relieved and that maybe i am in fact notpregnant.  i don’t care how crazy this makes me but i’ve never missed a period.  it scared the life out of me.  i hope it never happens again.

  

  

~ today i learned… Charlie Brown’s father was a barber ~

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3 Comments »

  1. Why are our bodies so flipping weird? It’s so annoying how our bodies react to stress.

    Comment by littlespoon — November 24, 2008 @ 8:52 pm

  2. Oh my God – I was totally in the same boat not that long ago. It didn’t get it, but didn’t think much of it at first. THen I started feeling sick too. I thought I had just worked myself up about it, but I kept feeling awful. I told L about it because I tell him everything and I was so scared. Except, unlike you, I had never taken a test before. It was 2 weeks before I could force myself to buy one. I waited till L was home to do it bc if it was positive, i didn’t want him to come home and find me in a sobbing heap on the floor. I had to psych myself up so much to do it. in the end, it obvioulsy was negative. and coincidentally, i never felt nasueas another day. I’m sure you’re fine – and it probably is the new bc.

    I do think that it’s kind of f-ed up that your dr wont see you for an exam though. if you request an appt then they should accomodate you. that irritates me.

    Comment by DanceintheRain — November 25, 2008 @ 10:12 am

  3. I do the same thing! Every month I get convinced that I’m pregnant. But I hope you’re ok – the nausea can’t be good for you regardless of whether you’re pregnant or not.

    Comment by Megkathleen — November 25, 2008 @ 5:30 pm


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