it’s always like this

August 4, 2008


Filed under: maybe it's me — notsojenny @ 3:55 pm

when i was typing a comment for another blogger it reminded me just how bitter a person i am.  when i was talking on the phone with S & a friend it reminded me that i have a hard time forgiving (by the way – 3way calling?  sends me aaalllll the way back to middle school.  maybe because it’s the last time i used it.  i dunno, but i couldn’t stop giggling the whole time).

i like to think it’s just that i have high standards.  not for life in general but for the people i choose to have in my life, since i think that’s one of the few areas i have the most control over (for us Type A’s control is the most important thing).  i’ve cut people out of my life because they’ve done things that  have hurt me.  i’ve even been told by one person that i hold my standards for people in my life at an “unreasonable” level.  of course, he told me this when i told him i no longer really wanted him in my life.  is it harsh to just cut people out?  absolutely.  but i don’t like to waste my time/friendship on people that have hurt me and i think will hurt me again.  i’ve come to be this kind of person because of past experiences.  i didn’t just hop out of the womb saying “you?  you can stay.  but you?  you need to leave.”  it’s some deep-rooted issue i developed over time.  i know it’s not healthy but it’s me.

the other night i was on the phone with S.  she’s about to drop a baby and i live 450 miles from where i grew up so we decided to call our friend who went to our ‘casual’ HS reunion the night before.  okay, hold up, let me back up a step.  we found out that our HS reunion was being planned earlier this year.  it was set for august.  then all of the sudden there was another one set for november.  why would we have 2, you ask?  good friggin question.  it turns out that there’s some lingering HS BS going on that has caused people who don’t like our class president  to schedule their own reunion.  so it kinda got split into 2 camps of people who are going to the reunion planned by the person they like better.  how ridiculous.  on top of it, it seemed like the only people being notified of this are the people on FB.  that’s kinda pointless.  anyway, back to the call.

our friend started telling us about everyone who showed up.  no  real surprises since we’ve already seen everyone on FB anyway.  but the surprising thing she did say was that everyone was cool.  no fake BS that she could tell.  which, with the group of girls going was a total shock.  overall her report was that it was pretty lame.  everyone was nice but that’s about it.  not only did this help me & S to both decide that we’re not going in November but it also made us disappointed that we couldn’t go to this one.  all we wanted was the dirt.  the juicy details of what everyone is doing these days and how they look.  we knew that if we’d gone we could have found some drama.  or created it, whatever.  we joked that what probably would have happened is everyone else giving their recaps would have said “everyone was cool.  oh, except S and Notsojenny.  they’re still bitches.”  oh well.  this was when i started to realize there’s some truth to that.

i hold grudges.  and the people who hurt me in HS, well i guess i still hold those grudges against them.  it sounds so stupid i know.  and immature, i’m fully aware.  but i can recall exactly why certain people and i aren’t friends.  not just because we didn’t have anything in common but because they specifically did something hurtful to me.  whether it was lying about something, making up rumors, or just calling me a name.  they did something that showed me that they weren’t someone i could trust and rely on.  why would i want to rekindle these friendships now?  yes, there are people that i lost touch with after school that i’dlove to get back in touch with.  but these other people, the people who i had a reason to not be friends with, why?  we live in different states.  we will never see each other outside of a reunion so why act like we’re friends?  i’ve already de-friended most of these people on FB.  if they didn’t talk to me within 4weeks of friending me, they got the boot.  some of these people have requested to be friends again, and i’ve accepted.  but they still haven’t talked to me.  so they’ll be getting the boot yet again.  i’m sure i’ll continue to accept as de-friend as long as necessary.

anyway, i’m not really going anywhere with this. 

ummm…. except, yah.  i was just watching a reality show on tv and a a 40+ yr old woman has a sweater on and i was thinking, that’s cute.  then i realized i have that sweater!  i’m such a dork.



~ today i learned… more people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes ~



  1. My husband does not want to go to his HS reunion. I told him that if they find him he has to go. It’s like an unwritten rule :)

    Comment by littlespoon — August 4, 2008 @ 4:25 pm

  2. i am the same way about high school. a girl i was never friends with in hs reads my blog pretty regularly. She acts like because of this OMG WE’RE BFF now…or at least she has during the few times she emailed me…she asked if i wanted to hang out the last time we both happened to be in boston and I had a hard time saying yes, not because she’s a bad person but we weren’t ever friends…in fact she probably made fun of me…so why…rekindle that? Why go back to that? I know some people from my graduating class have changed but i like to think i’ve moved on from a phase in my life that was not at all pleasant.

    Comment by legallyheidi — August 4, 2008 @ 5:49 pm

  3. I am the CHAMPION of grudge holding, seriously. To the point where this one time? I totally forgot why I disliked this guy, but was still a bitch to him anyway, because I figured if I was mad at him before, odds are, I still probably am.

    Hi, I’m 33 years old.


    Comment by La — August 4, 2008 @ 8:36 pm

  4. I feel the same way about my high school reunion. Except for one of my best friends is planning it and is trying to guilt me into going. The way I look at it, I spent four years with these people I didn’t even like, why would I want to spend one more night with them?

    But I am not bitter or anything.

    Comment by penelope — August 5, 2008 @ 9:12 am

  5. That donkey fact is depressing.

    I was watching house hunters a few weeks ago, and realized that one of the women looking for the house (who was also an ugly lesbian) was wearing a shirt that I have. I love that shirt but have since looked at it with disdain.

    Is that bad?

    Comment by Slightly Disorganized — August 6, 2008 @ 8:06 pm

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