it’s always like this

June 23, 2008

drivers ed pt. 2

Filed under: maybe it's me, perfect strangers — notsojenny @ 11:57 am

okay, so what started as a simple complaint about VA drivers has grown to complete ire with all drivers on I95.

so if you were on I95 northbound on sunday june 15 or southbound sunday june 22 – i hate you.  i hate you because you were driving like an idiot.  here’s a few tips to make life easier for all of us…

  • hitting the gas in stop and go traffic only does one thing – makes you slam on your brakes and possibly get rear-ended by the moron behind you who’s too busy talking to their children in the backseat than to pay attention to the road.
  • i don’t care if you’re lost – Pick A Lane!  while you’re straddling two lanes you’re forcing me to pass you with less than half of my lane.  and if i get sideswiped while doing this the first thing i’m doing is turning my wheel HARD and taking you down with me.  you do realize that if you pick the wrong lane you can turn around, right?  i mean it’s not a life or death thing… unless You’re Straddling Two Freakin Lanes!
  • i also realized that i’ve taken to the disapproving head nod these days over flippin’ the bird.  that and the splayed hands making a slight v “wtf?” gesture.  i find it way more effective to treat moronic drivers with disappointment rather than anger.  so if you drive by someone and they’re shaking their head in this fashion, you’ve just done something ridiculous!
  • if you’re passing me once and you’re riding up on me you should pay better attention to the road and know that there’s no point in riding my ass when there’s a car next to me.  furthermore, that’s absolutely no point in flashing your high beams when that car is still next to me and increases it’s speed to whatever i happen to be doing.  and when that idiot finally goes back to the speed they were doing when i began passing them and i pull over you better pass me going more than 2 miles an hour faster.  because otherwise you’re just an a-hole and it’s only going to lead to me riding your ass still doing the 75 i was doing when you rode mine.  pick a f-in speed!! 
  • if you’re passing me more than once you’re an idiot and you make terrible lane choices.  unless you get off the highway and get back on you should never pass the same person twice.  this can all be controlled by Picking A Speed!!
  • i’m okay with people driving like it’s the indy 500.  popping in and out of lanes.  if you’re capable and your car is capable (i’ve seen you idiots with suvs still trying to do this) of doing this at ridiculously high speeds i have no issue.  but there’s a safe way to do it and and extremely stupid way.  why is it that the further north i get the more i see people doing this the stupid way??  use your blinkers if it’s a tight space… because at least that gives the poor schmuck you’re cutting off with 4 inches of space a second to hit their brake rather than accelerator.  and if i see little heads bobbing back and forth as you jam into each lane i may try to run you off the road so your children get taken out of your custody.
  • road construction = changes.  specifically lane pattern changes.  so if the road moves you need to move too!  no matter where they go, Stay Between The White Lines!  even though you’re trying to go in a straight line the lines do not go that way and i’m running out of shoulder to drive on.  maybe you should have thought about your driving skills before purchasing that mini-bus sized suv lil’ lady.  learn to drive!
  • what’s MD’s problem?  first off, all MD cars have a barcode on their windows, what’s that all about??  also, there’s a rather large sign on 95south to tell you where you’re headed.  it used to say Washington DC / Richmond.  but they’re blacked out the Richmond part now.  wtf?  did MDOT get into a fight with VDOT so they decided not to acknowledge them anymore?  i don’t get it.  95S still goes through Richmond so i’m confused.
  • and no one can fight me on this, i have too many driving hours of proof – the handicap logo on license plates and hanging from rearview mirrors relates directly to one’s driving ability.



~ today i learned… nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously ~



  1. Yes yes yes yes YES! Holy shit. I commute on the highway everyday and let me tell you, everything from 95 directly relates to 40/85. Bad driving is a freaking epidemic. bah!

    Comment by littlespoon — June 23, 2008 @ 12:27 pm

  2. Oh man, J is totally one of those drivers that gets distracted (probably because he’s on the phone all. the. time) and drives in two lanes at once. I was in the car with him one time and he was doing it, and on the phone, and he kept waving me away when I was telling him to pick a side already. There were basically no other cars on the road, but still, that’s dangerous! So I reached over and honked his horn. He hung up, and asked me what I was doing; the response was something along the lines of “honking at you, so you’ll stop driving like a jerk.” Remarkably effective, really!

    Also: Maryland is a strange, strange place to drive. It basically makes no sense. I give MD drivers a little bit of slack for being horrible drivers who NEVER SIGNAL because they learned to drive in a state with total anarchy for traffic laws and policies, it would seem.

    Comment by magda — June 23, 2008 @ 12:46 pm

  3. Hi, I’ve been reading your blog for a while so I thought I would say hello.

    I hate people who don’t pick speeds….hasn’t anyone ever heard of cruise control?? I an feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about 95.

    Comment by Jackie — June 23, 2008 @ 1:58 pm

  4. this is why…i don’t drive in DC. :)

    Comment by legallyheidi — June 23, 2008 @ 4:07 pm

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