it’s always like this

June 4, 2008

all sorts of tarded

Filed under: just shoot me — notsojenny @ 10:36 am

i haven’t fully explained work yet.  i know i’ve bitched about the company and the job, but never really gotten into the environment dynamics.  the thought of expanding isn’t really handled well in our company so when i started there was one room for all the people in my position.  however, 2 people were leaving but there were 3 of us starting.  so since i was supposed to be working from home soon (which happened WAY too late!) i opted to take a desk outside of the main room.  it was crappy at first because i felt like i was missing out on valuable job conversations, until i realized that i really wasn’t.  i eventually made buddies with the team i sit near and i like my location now.  so when 2 more people started on our team, and only 1 left, one of these new people was sitting across from me.  i was kinda happy about it because i was no longer the only one outside of the room.  until i came in one day and she wasn’t there.  the other new girl had made everyone rearrange in the room to fit this girl in.  wtf?  serious?  while i understand that i’m only there 2 days a week it’s still pretty insulting.  it was worse than the time my boss ordered lunch for everyone and forgot to ask me what i wanted because i wasn’t in the room.  that time i just starved, i almost cried this time.  i’mnot close with these people but i still took it a little personally.  it especially hurt my feelings because i’ve always felt like i was doing something nice by not taking up a desk in the office… afterall, i was given first dibs on a seat in there but opted not to.  that just goes to show how far being nice gets you.

so anyway, my team goes out to lunch every fridayand this is when i used to bond with them.  i work from home on fridaysnow so i miss out on that opportunity.  that coupled with the fact that i live 83 miles away from them means i don’t socialize with these people at all.  so every other tuesdayor so i go out for a beer after work witha couple people on the team i really like.  we usually bitch about work and crack jokes, it’s a good time.  then this last time i was sitting at the bar with one of my team members waiting for other people to show up and it was silent.  i was blank.  not a thing to say.  for no reason other than i’mapparently socially inept.  really, i mean here i was with, by far, my favorite co-worker and i couldn’t make conversation.  when did this happen to me?  i started to think back and began realizing that i’vebeen unable to be social for a while now.  does this happy by just being out of practice?  am i that boring now?  i used to be able to go anywhere and have a scintillating conversation with any random person.  i used to be an entertainer.  i was a social butterfly.  and i realize that i’m in a relationship where we stay in alot and we’re pretty boring but i didn’t realize how boring i am now. 

this makes me especially worried for this weekend.  this weekend is the bar crawl.  the 14th annual bar crawl (haha… i haven’t even been able to drink for 14 years!  it’s so crazy when i look at numbers like this it really shows the age difference between me and M).  so we’ll go out of town and meet up with all of these people that M knows.  i see them once a year.  some of them 2x if we run into them at a football game.  they’re all married.  most have multiple children and someone is always pregnant or just popped one out.  and the girls wives are all much older than me.  they have known each other for a while and are not all that inviting (save for a few of them).  the first time i attended this event i almost left in tears.  everyone seems very nice, and the guys are very friendly, but you know how clusters of girls are when there’s a new girl around.  once they finally found out how young i was it got worse.  the comments began flying.  i remember very clearly when one of the girls found out and immediately said “well that explains the shoes” To Me!  i was wearing 3″ pumps, like i always do.  and while i like to think that she meant it in a nice way meaning you’re-lucky-you’re-young-enough-to-still-be-comfortable-in-heels.  but given the tone it was more like you’re-still-young-and-stupid-and-that’s-why-you’d-wear-heels-to-a-bar-crawl.  it was awful. 

and what’s up with that anyway?  why do so many people say that you won’t be able to wear those shoes when you’re older?  that’s BS!  i see how they can become uncomfortable and if you’re out of practice they can be especially painful.  but i’m going to wear heels forever.  sure, they may not always be 3″ and i’ll wear flats sometimes, but please make sure if you run into me in 30 years that i’m wearing heels.  if not, i’ll give you $20.

so anyway, i don’t look forward to this bar crawl like M does.  because it’s all his friends.  but i’m hoping i’m going to see a certain awesome blogger out that day which will help make the event tolerable.  (that might be a little guilt trip, i’mvery subtle : )  either way, these girls coupled with my new social awkwardness should make for an interesting weekend.



~ today i learned… the 15th wedding anniversary was historically crystal.  in modern times it’s watches.  (who changed that?!) ~



  1. I say f’em. They are probably just jealous that you are younger than them and they wish they had the freedom you do. Be yourself and enjoy the time with M. :)

    Comment by penelope — June 4, 2008 @ 11:22 am

  2. Ugh why can girls be so catty? I hate it :)

    Comment by littlespoon — June 4, 2008 @ 11:54 am

  3. I’ve been noticing more and more that I’ve become a socially inept person, much like you’re describing … it’s like I’ve flat lost the spark, or something. When I first moved here, I was Miss Popularity, and I’d go out to all sorts of groups and events and be chatty and marvelous. Now I kind of dread going places, and I find myself just kind of standing around; finding another drink; wondering whether that art on the wall is an original. It’s not really conscious– I haven’t (I don’t think) developed any kind of social anxiety–I just have nothing to contribute. I’ve got to get that back.

    clique-y women are the worst. Something about long-standing friendship circles is just impenetrable; as nice as each girl is individual, together they’re like a little ring of fire. With fangs. Boo to that. Hopefully I’ll see you out there and we’ll beat the odd-girl-out blues together!

    Comment by magda — June 4, 2008 @ 9:51 pm

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