it’s always like this

May 23, 2008

real life never changes

Filed under: perfect strangers, wonder years — notsojenny @ 9:47 am

we grow up with ideas.  ideas about what life is like.  ideas about what our lives will be like.  little girls imagine the knights in shining armor they’re going to marry and be whisked away to their mansions.  boys plan on which sports their going to be all-star professionals in.  it comes from books.  it comes from tv & movies.  and it comes from other people’s real lives.  i think it’s great to think about these things.  but as a girl when i was in junior high all i could think about was how great it was going to be once i got into high school.  once i was in high school i couldn’t wait to be in college.  and so on and so forth.  i always looked at people older than me and thought i knew what their life was like.  they had everything they wanted and were so happy.  then i grew up.

no matter what we may think being an adult is like, it’s not.  i still have the habit of looking at other people and thinking they must have everything they hoped for.  even though i no the reality that no one is worry free.  everyone is missing something that they wish they had.  it could be something small, or something very important.  for me, it’s that dream relationship.  the relationship that i always thought i’d have.  one where a guy fawns over me and surprises me and showers me with more than i could ask for.  but that’s a dream.  a dream i believe comes from watching way too many old movies where ladies were heavily pursued and would totally dismiss the man they loved until he won over.  and that was the only option.  it’s tough when i lapse back into wanting that.  wanting what i don’t have but think would make everything better.  but if i gave it real thought i’d remember that i’ve been heavily pursued, and i left those guys because i wanted someone who didn’t need me.  the grass is always greener, right?  don’t get me wrong, i love the man i’m with.  really love.  sometimes i feel guilty because i want more… he’s plenty of wonderful things but i sometimes think it would be nice to have that dream man.

i watch alot of reality shows. and i was really excited about the new show that chronicles 12 girls through their 4 years of high school.  i can’t imagine what it would be like to relive those days.  remembering what it was like to not have a care in the world except for who your friends are and if you did your homework.  wearing your cheerleading uniform to school for home games.  having so much fun.  but also all of the frustration.  the days where not having something go your way meant that the world was about to end.  and if you didn’t get invited to that party you’d just die!  and the trash talking.  oh the trash talking.  i didn’t partake in this.  i’m not very good in partaking in it even today.  i don’t see why people waste their breath being nice to people they don’t like.  i have always felt that if you’re going to be nice to someone’s face, you better be nice to their back.  it just doesn’t make any sense to have your “friends” saying awful things about you.  so i never did it.  now i’m not saying i never said anything bad about people.  i did.  and i still will.  but i didn’t pretend that we were friends while i was doing it.  maybe i just had too many people do that to me.  i just don’t get why you’d want someone you don’t think highly of to like you.  it seems so silly.  but the saddest thing i’ve learned about growing up is that people never do.  i watch shows about girls in high school and women in their 40’s+.  there really isn’t much of a difference in the bitchiness and back-stabbing.  i’ve recently found out that it happens in the blog world too.  not to me, but to some i read.  it seems absolutely insane to me.  why people bother.  i just know that in high school i thought i’d escape it all once i got into college.  and i thought once i got out of the last company i was in where i was surrounded by 20 something girls, it’d get better.  but it doesn’t. 

life doesn’t change.  there are always going to be good people and shitty people in your life.  groups of girls are always going to be bitchy and backstab at times… there’s too much estrogen for it to not happen.  people grow up.  people change.  life doesn’t.  the only thing that changes is the backdrop.



~ today i learned… the last Ivy league college founded was Cornell in 1865 ~




  1. I always thought High School was going to like Saved by the Bell. Man, I wish I was right.

    Comment by littlespoon — May 23, 2008 @ 10:09 am

  2. This is such a true post. I have these same feelings about J. There’s this boyfriend in my head, the one who the little girl in me is screaming for me to hold out for, who does everything right and loves me and only me and tells me so all the time, and never does anything to make me say “I deserve SO MUCH BETTER than this!” Only problem: he lives in my head. It’s so hard, reconciling what we have with what we’ve come to think we SHOULD be getting. So hard.

    Comment by magda — May 23, 2008 @ 10:20 am

  3. you have to remember that the “dream” man is just that, a dream. unless you know me of course.

    Comment by GMan — May 23, 2008 @ 1:38 pm

  4. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation :) Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Colouring!!

    Comment by Colouring — June 20, 2008 @ 8:42 pm

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