it’s always like this

January 29, 2008

auto pilot

Filed under: perfect strangers, wonder years — notsojenny @ 4:16 pm

do you ever feel like you’re not really there?  admit it, you do.

everyone has those moments when they’re on autopilot.  i have them all of the time!  i like to blame them on getting older, i feel like my memory is shot.  i only put this here to make myself feel sane… or maybe just not as crazy.  i know other people get this.

– my commute.  i work from home 3 days a week.  those 2 days when i go to the office it’s an hour and a half commute.  i’m so used to it, and i’m doing so much multi-tasking on my drive (finalizing make-up, catching up with my sister, taking my hair down, eating breakfast… it’s truly a talent) that by the time i drive all 84 miles, i can’t remember the trip.  it’s quite scary when i think about how unsafe that is.  especially in the bad weather.

– locking my car.  it’s such a habit to step out of the car and as i walk away to hit the “lock&arm” button on the fob.  i don’t even know i do it.  i usually end up hitting it 2-4 times from the time i step out of my car, until i get into a building.  the worst is when i get home.  i can never remember locking it, so i hang out my front window and hit the button until i see my lights flash.  even with this awful habit, i’ve still come out to my car only to find that it was never locked.  this only increases my paranoia, thus increasing the number of times i hit the button.

– flushing.  i know it’s gross, but it’s such a natural move to flush and get up & out that i never remember it.  as soon as i leave the bathroom and sit down at my desk/couch i can’t remember flushing.  so i sit there and tell myself, “of course i did.  i always do.” until it drives me so insane that i have to get up and check and of course, everything is fine.  this has been a problem for a while.  it’s most annoying when i’m not at my place but somewhere where people know me.  at work i tend to get all the way back to my desk, and then try to sneak away unnoticed to run back to the bathroom and check.  of course (and i can admit this because i’m anonymous) it’s gotten worse since the one time i got back to my desk and when i snuck back into the bathroom i saw that i hadn’t flushed.  i was mortified.  i don’t think anyone else had gone in there, and it was a large company and many people used that bathroom, so no one would have known it was me anyway, but i couldn’t deal with it after that.  i began using the bathroom on another floor the next day.

– eating.  have you ever wanted something specific to eat so you go get it and the next thing you know you’re sitting there wondering where it went?  yah, well, that happens to me.  it takes me a while to convince myself that i just completely demolished that food so fast that i didn’t even think.  or i’ll have a few of something, eat the last one and then a couple seconds later reach out and be surprised that they’re all gone.  it’s crazy.  i knew i ate the last one already.

– pills.  you know which ones.  thank heavens that some genius labeled the days with little stickers.  otherwise there’d be some days i take 3 and others i take none.  and it’s part of my routine so i know when i’ve done it.  i even go get a certain kind of drink to wash it down with, and yet 5 minutes later i’m jumping out of bed going, “oh no! i forgot to take my pill!” or waking up the next morning and panicking. 

– entire phone conversations.  i don’t know if it’s because i’m watching tv while i’m on the phone, or i’m caught up in my own thoughts, or if i’m just completely zoning out but i will hang up the phone and have no idea what just happened.  i have no idea what we/they were just talking about.  i even had to go back and look at my phone to see who i was talking to once… not sure if it was my mom or sister.

moments like these make me feel crazy.  but then i feel better when i realize that other people out there go through this too.  i really do think it’s part of getting older.  feel free to zone out while you read this entire post.



~ today i learned… that Dale Jr. has reps that are not hep enough to know what Big Mo’ means… poor kid. ~



  1. I always zone out on my ride to work. I also zone out while taking my pill which causes me to run back to the bathroom 800 times before I leave the house.

    Also, turning my car lights off. If it didn’t have the beep my car battery would always be dead.

    Comment by littlespoon — January 29, 2008 @ 6:48 pm

  2. I do this about locking my door: I’ll get half way down the street and convince myself that my apartment is unlocked and will certainly be ransacked if I don’t turn back exactly right now this minute to fix it. I get back up there, and yup, it’s locked.

    Also, strangely, for putting on deodorant. I keep an extra in my office just so I can comfort myself that if in fact I did forget, at least I’m covered now.

    These are only a few examples. You’re not alone!

    Comment by magda — January 30, 2008 @ 10:55 pm

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