it’s always like this

January 11, 2008

it’s not me

Filed under: down with OPW, the love boat — notsojenny @ 1:17 pm

i just came back from a lunch with friends.  i get together with these two guys, MM & A, for lunch fairly often.  we all used to work together, and quickly became friends.  we used to hang out all the time, then we drifted apart as we went to different companies and started hanging out with other crews.  one of the bigger reasons for this was that me and A had a fling.  i call it that because that’s all it really was, but i got lost somewhere along the way.  i was happy with him. and i wanted us to date.  it started to get there, then it just stopped.  i can’t remember why, but i remember being heart-broken.  so after successfully, and not so successfully sometimes, avoiding him we slowly began to recoup our friendship.  now the three of us get together for lunches regularly and catch up on all that’s going on.  i actually live in MM’s old apartment now… i loved it so much that when he bought a house i had first dibs on this place.  i love it even more now that it’s my own.

the biggest news came a couple of months ago when i talked to A and he told me he was engaged.  i was floored.  floored and upset.  he said he never wanted to get married.  then he met this girl, and a year later they’re engaged.  so naturally even though i was happy for him, i couldn’t help but think of myself.  not because i wanted him to propose to me, when we were hot i would have been open to it but i’ve seen since then why we wouldn’t have worked.  what i was upset about is that i have been dating my best friend for longer than they have, and he still hasn’t proposed.  i know it’s not a competition… but it’s still not fair. 

today at lunch, MM & i got all the details about the fiance.  these guys keep alot of the details to themselves so i always have to pry them out.  but he ended up telling us the story of how he proposed.  it was great.  sweet, romantic, a complete surprise for her.  just like something you see on a show.  nothing over the top and ridiculous, but it was thought out enough that it showed how much he cared and how special he wanted it to be for both of them.  and i was so… jealous!  because i am afraid that if i get to marry the man i want to, M, i won’t get that surprise.  i’ve been looking forward to our future together for a while.  and this year, after a tough conversation with my mother, when we were in SFO together, i realized that i had to talk to M about the fact that i knew i wanted to marry him.  i always assume that people know what i’m thinking… bad habit developed from my mom herself… so i had to make it clear to him.  suddenly in my head he was out ring shopping. **side note: i had time on my hands this summer so a girlfriend, E, and myself went to jewelery stores and tried everything on.  i found the ring of my dreams.  but it was an estate ring.  the cheapest thing in the store probably… just under $2k, but also something you’d not be able to find again.  i decided i had to tell M.  even though i knew he wasn’t ready for that step, it was something he shouldn’t have passed up.  all of the other rings i liked seemed to start at $8k. end side note**  so now that i know he hasn’t been out shopping for rings we’ve had too many conversations about where this is going, and i’m just so sick of them.  and i’m so afraid that when he decides he does wants to marry me he’s going to turn to me and say “alrighty”.  but i want the romance.  i want the sweet surprise.  i want the thought that’s put into that perfect moment.  that moment you can never do over.  i know that how someone proposes means nothing compared to what a proposal means, but i just want that.  i’m a girl.  i watch too many wedding shows.   i grew up on romantic old movies. 

okay, so here’s another thing that bothered me at this lunch.  while we were discussing wedding details MM asked, “how many months are you supposed to save for a ring?”.  i laughed and chimed in “6”.  A made a snide remark to the effect of “girls like you piss me off”.  he was kidding, right?  i was just joking.  they both knew that.  and i’m not at all superficial about the ring… see side note above (the part about the ring i really wanted… not the others).   and i didn’t defend myself, a bad habit around A, but i wanted to point out how a girl is supposed to wear that ring for the rest of her life so it should be something she’ll like.  and if it’s not something for her, that’s not fair.  i think girls have the right to be a little picky about this symbol of love.  if a guy wants to marry me, and opts to bare our future children himself, then i’ll deal with a horribly tacky ring.  that’s really the only way i can see to compromise on that issue.  i’d rather not have a ring but still be engaged, than have something that looks strange on me.  okay, so maybe i did get a little superficial about it in this topic, but not in the way that A was saying.  he knows just how to put me down make me self-conscious.  alas, a good example of why would not have worked.

so now the only akward situation is that this tri-friendship goes back years.  but we’re not all as close as we used to be.  and we now know all the details about the wedding.  does that mean we’re invited?  should we be?  should i be insulted if i’m not?  i have no idea on what the etiquette is supposed to be here.

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