good bad shitty

good: road trips with M… i love being able to split the driving and actually take a nap late at night before it’s my shift

bad: when i wake up from said nap to find we’re 30 minutes past our exit

shitty: when my tired and cranky self blows up and tells him PULL OVER!  I’m driving!

good: the weather holding out so we could go to Six Flags NE… and the fact that no one was there so we never had to wait in any lines… roller coasters over and over and over (i love those days!)

bad:the rest of the days were mainly rainy so i did not get to go to the apple harvest festival OR durham fair.  boo!

good: i did still get some fried dough at SF though

good:going dress shopping with my mom, sister, S, and my nieces.  i may have found a dress… at least i’ve narrowed it to 2 anyway.

bad:not buying the one that’s half the price of my other choice because i’m not engaged and still can’t bring myself to put that kinda money down yet

good:getting my mother’s veil & headpiece which i’d already said i wanted.  even better was the dress my grandmother wore to my mom’s wedding which doesn’t fit my mom… i think i’m going to wear it as my going away dress at the end of the reception.

shitty: i really thought he was going to propose over this trip.  i was a little bummed about it yesterday

good:M did spend alot of time with my family and friends, even without me.  which i love. 

good:  watching NKOTB perform after drinks and dinner with my girls at the casino.  it was as great as i’d hoped… if i can ever learn how to upload video i’ll put some up.

bad: no time to actually sit down at a blackjack table and win some money (or go broke)

super shitty: not getting to do our meet & greet with the fab 5 because M and S’s husband totally botched our day by being over 30 minutes late with our cars… we’re both pissed… really pissed

bad: i can’t even talk about how upset i am that i missed that opportunity because M already feels awful and i don’t want to make him feel worse

good:M did pick me up some macintosh apples while i was at the concert (nothing says autumn like a crisp macintosh!)

good: getting my birthday gifts from S and my sister on this trip

bad:it appears that my mom didn’t even think about my birthday yet… umm, it’s about a week away.  feelin’ the love.

shitty:my sister gave me my birthday gifts at breakfast yesterday and they were obviously last minute things she bought on tuesday.  and apparently i’m no longer getting a gift from her and my bro-in-law and another from just the girls.  now it’s all one gift.  and i know it’s bratty and selfish and material but it upset me.  we usually do big gifts, especially for birthdays.  what i got from her entire family was less than $40… i just wish i’d known before i spent over $80 on my niece and about $50 on my bro-in-law which i brought up for this trip, i’m not rich and i would have loved to save some money.  we’ve talked in the past about spending less but said we’d decide some day in the future… i guess she decided and didn’t tell me.  i’m a little upset about it.

shitty:we talked about doing a birthday celebration to celebrate for my BIL, my niece, and me all at once.  but we didn’t.  it seemed like no one had any interest in celebrating my birthday at all on this trip.  either that or no one even thought about it.  birthdays are very important to me, and it really hurt my feelings that no one seems to care that they can’t spend my birthday with me and i was up there and hoped to celebrate early.  i guess everyone has finally settled into life without me… and it blows.  it’s been a big deal every year until now.   i don’t care if i’m acting like a spoiled brat either.

good: being home and getting ready to have an apple at lunch

  

  

~ today i learned… Mr. Rogers is an ordainder minister ~

hi:lo

hi: going into the weekend thinking that M was definitely going to propose.  i couldn’t think of any reason he wouldn’t.  i just knew it!

lo: stepping out of my car and hitting the lock button on my key fob and hearing… nothing.  it wasn’t locking.  it wasn’t arming.  it was doing nothing.  i called the dealership and asked them what that means.  he said hopefully it just meant the key had gone bad and not the electrical locking system.  keys are $160 to get a new set and have them programmed.  uggh… add it to my scheduled oil change i i guess.

hi: attending our second concert at a local venue and having the seating guy for our box recognize us already.  it’s nice to get good service and being that we’d only been there once i was pretty impressed with his memory.

hi: being offered backstage for after the show

lo: M being old and turning down the backstage option because we had an early game the next day… i’m not even a huge fan of the band but i always say Yes to meet & greets because how many times will you get that chance?

hi: finally getting to our first home game of the season… it feels like home in our seats.  it’s nice to see the same faces every year. 

hi: the big fat W for the game.  it was touch and go for a little bit but i was so happy we won.  those 4hr drives home after a loss are MISERABLE!

lo: the conflicting schedule of the couple we attend games with.  it doesn’t really work with what i need to do for my new eating pattern and we didn’t get to go to the bookstore.  i’ve already told M that we may need to take separate cars this year.  i’m sick of not being able to do other stuff around town because they need to get home.

hi: spending sunday morning washing, waxing, and detailing my car.  for me there isn’t much better than getting behind the wheel of a freshly cleaned car, i just love it.  i even had a full tank of gas.  i love to just step back and look at her sparkle & shine.

lo: when i realized that M definitely wasn’t proposing and i lost my shit, yet again.  it’s just so damn frustrating to be told something and keep expecting it.  in a moment of crying bitterness i may have said something that i didn’t mean… but he knows me too well to even listen to me at these moments.  i mostly just have issues with things not going according to MY plan.

hi: getting laundry done last night.  it’s a great perk of dating a man who has a house where i can do laundry whenever i want.  for free!

lo: hearing “UH OH” from M after i asked “what was that noise??” while folding laundry

super lo: running outside to find my car wedged under the deck.  apparently my e-brake decided not to hold up and let my car roll down his driveway.  i spent the rest of the evening totally bummed about the thought of how much it’s gonna cost to get my car repaired.  i actually had an oil change already scheduled today so i had them fix the e-brake while i was there getting my o/c and new key.  i also had them draw up an estimate.

hi: talking to my insurance co and finding out that it may be covered under comprehensive (with a $100 ded) but it’s up to the agent.  i had my fingers crossed from that point on.

lo: finally hearing from the agent that decided that it would be covered under collision (with a $500 ded).  BOOOO!!  that blows on many levels.  not only the out of pocket money, but how it looks on my insurance and what it’s going to raise my rate to.

  

  

~ today i learned… Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button ~

buggies

why is it that whenever the topic of lice comes up people look at me like i have a GIANT one on my head right then? 

so i had it as a kid?  so what.  so i had it a few times?  so what.  so i had it often enough in elementary school that the smell of RID is very distinct to me to this day and i have vivid memories of sitting on the back deck while my mom combed my wet head and being told to stay out there for a while?  so what. 

okay, so i didn’t have lice every month but i probably had it 3 or 4 times throughout all of elementary school.  i know that my friends had it too.  there was always an outbreak at school.  maybe it’s because i went to a small school where we were all close in proximity?  i dunno but i grew up all these years thinking that it was incredibly common for kids to get lice.  isn’t it?

only recently has this topic come up with people i have only known as an adult and they’re always treating me like a leper when i state that yes, i had lice.  more than once.  i honestly thought that it was just part of growing up, that everyone got it.  but apparently all these fancy people i have in my life now were much cleaner and hygienic than i was as a kid because pretty much everyone i hang out with has NEVER had it.  or so they claim.

is it really that bad?   does getting lice as a child mean you’re trashy or dirty?  i guess i don’t even know how lice starts or where it comes from, i still only know that you get it from other people’s heads.   maybe this is something i should look into.

  

  

~ today i learned… the liver is the only organ that is capable of complete regeneration.  skin can repair but not regerate  ~

hot pants

as you age your irrational fears change.  that’s not to say that if you’re afraid of sharks and clowns at 5 you won’t be at 35.  but your fears in life seem expand, to change, mature even.  for me the fear i’ve recently acquired is all around babies.  i’m afraid that i’ll never be able to have them.  the fear used to be that i’d never find someone to have them with.  but i’ve got M and that fear melted away a while back.  and i can’t wait to have babies with him.  but even that led to more fears.  M is 9 years older than me.  how long can men make babies?  i’m sure it’s something i should look into, google even.  but i haven’t.  all i know is that as women get older their chances go down.  so add my increasing age to M’s old age and i’m so scared that it equals trouble.

another fear for me is once M and i start to “try” (i love when people say that, it’s such a classy way of saying “we’re having TONS of sex!”) that it won’t happen.  and then i’ll find out someday that i can’t have babies.  the thought of that really bothers me.  because really it’s not something you know until it’s too late.  and i’m not even talking about not being able to because of my age, but maybe just because of my body.  what if i’ve got lame ovaries?  or a uterus that refuses to cooperate?  these fears don’t keep me up at night but i hear them in the back of my mind some days.

so when i read this articleyou can imagine it only freaked me out even more.  (for those of you too lazy to click it’s a study about how laptops can make men infertile when used on their lap, it contains a flagrant overuse of the word “scrotal”).  i have a laptop on my lap at least 4 days a week… sometimes more.  and M uses his laptop alot too.  and he’s been doing it way longer than i have.  it’s stuff like this that makes me want to start trying to have babies just to make sure we can.

sure, that’s not a great idea but i am so Type A and i need to know these things.

  

  

~ today i learned… how icanhascheezburger was born. you can too! ~

puppy love

when i was growing up i always wanted a dog.  doesn’t every kid?

we had a beautiful pekingese but by the time i was old enough to play with and enjoy a pet she was already gone.  my mom and i also have this weird relationship where she doesn’t believe me when i say i’m going to do something.  i’ll constantly say “i want to __” and she’ll say, “fine, if you can pay for it” and then she laughs.  but she’s always pissed when i follow through.  i still don’t get it.

anyway, in high school i constantly said “i want to get a dog” and she’d say “fine, if you can pay for it”.  so when my sister graduated and left the house for college i thought that was the perfect time to get a new friend.  i went to the pound and picked out cutest mutt puppy i could find.  he really got my attention because he was the only dog there not jumping up against the gate and barking, begging to be adopted.  i liked that, i respected that.  he was wonderful from the start.  so much personality.  i spent all my time after school & cheerleading and every weekend training him.  he was already housebroken and he picked up on every trick so quickly.  i taught him to sit, beg, speak, roll over, give you 5 and give you 10.  i was so proud of what i’d turned this dog into, he was brilliant!  i think it’s the german shepard in him that makes him so smart.  and he was great at playing tag and frisbee too.  just so much fun.  we quickly learned that he’d been beaten and abused in his previous home which is very sad and so hard to understand.  we discovered that it was by a male (given his aversion to any male that came near him) he eventually warmed to my dad though.  he also would only let me pet him on the head for the first 6 months, he’d snap at everyone else.  this isn’t to say he was perfect, i still have a scar on my leg from where he snapped at me once, but he was just so dang cute.  he quickly became a part of the family.  he also quickly became a chore.  i’d constantly hear my mother yelling to me to clean up after his mess whenever he’d shred something and telling me to reprimand him.  after which he’d immediately run to my mother where she’d pet him and console him.  i still think it was all in her plan to make him love her more (which is one reason i’m afraid to leave her alone with my future imaginary children, she’s quite manipulative).  anyway in time he became dependant on my mother.  when i left to move down here i couldn’t bare to take him away from her no matter how many times she said “he’s your dog”.  she knows full well that he can’t survive without her and she loves him too.  whenever she goes out of town he goes under the bed and only comes out to pee and eat… he doesn’t really care to hang out with anyone but my mom.

so i tell you all of this because recently my mom called me after she rushed him to the vet.  he wasn’t looking or acting right.  they did hundreds of dollars in tests, xray, sonograms.  it turns out that this 35lb dog had a tumor in his abdomen the size of a softball.  they told my mom they needed to biopsy but then just decided to full-on operate to remove it. they said it was connected to his liver by a stem and should be simple to get rid of.  so while my family was visiting, my puppy (now 14) went into surgery.  the vet called my mom as soon as he was sewn up.  bad news.  the tumor was larger than they thought.  he has a 10in incision and they said the tumor was so large they took pictures and found even more spots all over his liver.  now they needed to run the tests to see if it was worse than anticipated.

my mom called me the other day with the results of the biopsy.  he’s got cancer.  i know he’s just a dog but the moment i heard these words i stopped where i was and started crying in the middle of the mall while she continued to give me the details.

apparently there’s ONE dog cancer specialist in the world and they had to send all his stuff out to this guy in Australia to find out if it’s treatable and the course of treatment, or else how long he has to live.  this is all so depressing.  i love my dog.  my mom loves him too.  she refuses to let anyone help with the costs of all of this but depending on what the australian puppy cancer specialist says, we may have a terrible decision to make.  the pup is 14 years old.  is it really worth the thousands and thousands of dollars that treatment will cost?  especially when you add in the thousands already spent just to diagnose and operate?  just to give him another year or two?  but what if he only has 9 months left in him if he was perfectly healthy?  i hate even thinking about it.  but how can you resist spending every penny you have to help this face?!

 

 

  

  

~ today i learned… the average person will consume 10,000 chocolate bars in a lifetime ~

lookin good kiddo

every girl had some guy on their wall as a kid, right?  it was probably whoever you cut out of Bop or Tiger Beat.  or, if you were lucky, you got the edition with the pull-out poster in the middle!  for me i was lucky to have my dreamy beau hunk KC plastered above my bed.  you know who i’m talking about.  the illustrious Mike Seaver.  that ol’ smooth faced cutie pie, Kirk Cameron. 

i recently saw him doing press for his new book and i was delighted to see that he has only aged a year in the past 20.  holy cow is he still super super cute!  he reminds me of tom hanks in this way (though i am in no way attracted to tom, i just think he never ages either).  for those of you who haven’t seen him, this is what the little devil looks like now…

cute, right?  although he’s never done any noteworthy or amazing work, kirk’s really done a great job keeping up his looks.  he married his onscreen sweetheart, chelsea noble.  isn’t that cute too?  and the man has 6 kids.  SIX KIDS!  he’s only 37!  it may not seem like alot to some of you but when i think about M having 6 kids by now, my eyes cross.  i can’t even imagine having that many kids… ever.  for me 2 would be nice.  still cheap enough to afford because i don’t think i could do just one.  i couldn’t even have one dog, i had to go buy him a friend.  we’ll see though.  i have a few steps to get across before any of this is an issue though.

back to kirk.  i hope that if i ever have boys they can retain their looks like this.  heck, i hope M retains his looks.  granted he doesn’t look 14 anymore but he doesn’t look his age either.  and i met him just after his father died so i’m not sure what he looked like.  now that i think of it, i’ve never even seen a picture of his father.  M doesn’t have any pictures in his house.  he has one of his nephews and that’s it.  seriosuly, one photo in a frame.  it’s odd.  maybe i should go buy him some frames?  we have a ton of pictures of us and i should probably force one upon his home.  maybe.
okay, so i guess that wasn’t back to kirk really, but i had nothing else to say about him.  except that while i spent many days of my youth daydreaming about being his girlfriend (i always dreamed it to be something like that episode where they put on “our town”) i never thought about him moving on with his life without me… but it appears he did.  and somehow he’s made it work without me in it.  good for you kirk.

  

  

~ today i learned… rapper Ice Cube’s real name is O’Shea Jackson ~