i can take a hint

okay, so no one obviously wants to talk about how to go commando.  which, as far as i’m concerned, means no one else knows either. 

moving on, i’ve put out a ton of resumes this year.  mostly outside of my area because there’s not much here for what i do, more or less what i want to be doing.  so a few weeks back i submitted an application for the first local job.  i didn’t know much about it from the description but it sounded good enough.  within 12hrs i got a call to do a phone interview.  i wasn’t feeling too good about the HR girl as she asked some really cheesy questions so i didn’t expect too much from that.  then, out of the blue, after i’d already given up hope i got a call to schedule my real interview.  i was so excited.  so a few days later i had my  interview.  i looked good (because ladies you know that’s an important part of it), and once they told me more about the job i was smitten.  it was exactly what i used to do.  it was PERFECT!  not only was it less than 3 miles from my apt. but i would have been working with alot of the people i used to work with at different venues.  seriously, i’d already done this job.  the interview seemed to go really well.  the interviewers gave me warm fuzzy feelings with every answer i gave.  i walked out of there very confident.  but yet i spent the next week waiting.  wrapped up in a ball of nerves about when they would make their decision.  daydreaming about telling my job to shove it and proving to them that they can’t continue to treat me like this.  to lie to me and promise me things they never follow through with.  oh, i was giddy at the thought of starting this job i’d just interviewed for.  i even broke my normal rule of not telling anyone and gushed to less than five people about how excited i was.  i mean there was no one more perfect for the job than me. 

but i guess i was wrong.  i just got the call.  no reason.  just that important detail that i’m not getting the job from the same hapless recruiter that did the phone interview.  i got butterflies in my stomach when the phone rang because i really thought it could only go one way.  add this to my crappy week and crying-jag filled days and i’m ready to go to bed.  sitting in this office is the last place i want to be.  i was so hoping it wasn’t going to be for much longer, because that would be tolerable.  i just can’t help but wonder why?  it feels like a break-up.  i want to call and ask why they didn’t want me?  what was it that they didn’t see fitting?  what was it about someone else that made them a better match?

i hate job hunting.  i hate how slammed the market is right now.  i hate that someone who couldn’t possibly have done that job before is going to be getting an offer and i’m not.  i’m definitely going to cry once i get in the car and start my hour and a half journey home tonight.

damn.  now what am i going to daydream about??

not beneficial

when i went to the dentist to talk about invisalign i needed to make some changes to my info on file.  i’d changed jobs since i was there last so i had new dental insurance.  i handed the girl at the desk my card from when she proceeded to call them and sit on hold for a good 30 minutes.  when she finally hung up she came out and looked at me quizically.  she asked “did you know you have NO ortho coverage?”, she appeared to be very confused by the whole thing.  while i hadn’t actually known that, i wasn’t exactly surprised.  you see my company pays for my dental.  there is no other option.  at least with medical we got to pick options on what type of plan we want to participate in and pay for.  since they pay for the dental i had no say.  all i got was a card with my name, written in pen, on it.  so no, i wasn’t shocked.  i was a little disappointed, but that’s apparently my company’s m.o.

so then i decided to make my monthly payments for invisalign through flex spend.  this is such a better way to do tihngs like this because you save so much money with it being tax free.  most companies have an open enrollment period when you can opt into any of these benefits.  i was hoping i hadn’t missed mine, and if i did i was hoping that playing dumb to the HR dept. would allow me to still get in on it.  when i contacted them i was told that we have no flex spend accounts.  what?  seriously?  no flex spend?  i’ve never heard of that.  yes, the company i work for started very small but we’ve been bought by a HUGE corporation.  wtf?  no ortho and no flex spend?  nice.

it’s not over yet.  i found out the otherday that one of the girls i work with is preggers.  (i am so giddy!!  i’m so excited to buy a ton of baby hokie stuff!!)  when she told me about it she was pissed.  she found out that our company maternity policy is this - 12wks.  unpaid.  um, what??  that’s not a maternity policy; it’s an unpaid vacation.  wtf?!  this place has got some serious issues. 

and while maternity does not apply to me at this point in my life, it’s something that made me seriously stop and think.  it’s no secret (especially to M) that i want to start a family in the upcoming years.  and while i did give it a passing thought that working this job, where i have the ability to work from home, would be perfect when i have a baby.  but now, knowing that i wouldn’t get maternity leave makes me seriously think that i’ll need to be working somewhere else when i have a baby.  it’s sad because it makes me feel like i’m becoming too old and responsible since i have to consider things like this.  it’s like when everyone buys a house and they consider what school zone it’s in.  i’ve always scoffed at that because i felt like it didn’t matter until you had a kid.  now i know.   and i’m just glad i’ve got some time to find another job before it’s too late. (this doesn’t seem to affect the fact that i’ve sent out a few resumes and have yet to hear any responses).

 

  

  

~ today i learned… in every episode f Seinfeld there is a Superman somwehere ~

cup of ambition: $5.95

i work hard for my money.  i always have.  in our house, once we turned 15 it was time to get a job.  of course, you didn’t have to.  but if you wanted to have more clothes, or go to the movies, or spend money on stuff you needed a paycheck because my parents were going to pay for food, (necessary) clothes, and whatever else was needed to live.  so my cheerleading camp or the required competition sneaks didn’t fall under that category.  my sister, being the over achiever she is, had a paper route long before necessary.  but then again, she’s always been more fiscally responsible.  i took the easy route and baby sat until i was old enough to have a legal job.  you have to remember that this was back when people let anyone babysit.  i started when i was 12.  i can’t imagine people today leaving their infant with a 12yr. old… i know i wouldn’t.  oh man, when i think of all the babysitting i did which pretty much ended up just being me putting the kids away and then ransacking the house for snack that we didn’t get at my house.  like fruit roll-ups or any fruit snack really.  oh and dunkaroos.  those were awesome!  

but anyway, once i turned 15 i got a federally taxed job.  then i got another one and from that point on i kept 2 jobs at all times.  the jobs themselves would change, but i’d always have 2.  what can i say?  i like stuff.  i like being able to buy more stuff.  it wasn’t until i started bartending that i had one job only.  i made enough money to not have to need another job.  it was great.  i still have not made/took home as much money in a week as i did when i was bartending.  when i began i worked at the only bar in town right next to a college.  it was like printing money.  and i got to get hammered while i worked, because drinking with the customers was encouraged.  and i started working there when i was 19 so it was really cool. 

my next step was moving here.  i decided i only wanted one job but after using up all the reserves i had stashed away i remembered how much i liked shopping and took on a second job.  after getting a much needed promotion and raise at my main job i was able to leave the 2nd job.  since then i’ve only had one job.  and it’s so nice.  my point in all this is that i’ve worked alot.  i’ve worked my ass off to be where i am today.  to have the things i have.  and it’s because of this that i’m a very career driven person.  i don’t need to be CEO of anything someday but i do like working my way to promotions and more opportunities and of course bigger paychecks.

so being where i am today is scary for me.  i’m in a job that’s just alright.  it’s got truck loads of possibility but i’m just not doing anything that matters.  there’s no upward mobility.  so i’m looking for something different.  i know what i want to do.  i know what i’m good at.  but i’m so afraid of getting myself into this situation again.  everyone knows that job descriptions are not true to scale.  so whenever i read one, i read into it.  and i look at the company.  is it so small that there may be alot of responsibility but not alot of opportunity?  is it so large that i’ll have a hard time moving upward?  but you never know about these things until you get into it.  i have a few sites that i check weekly that will tell me if any of the jobs i’m looking for are open.  right now there aren’t many that look good.  i’m putting my resumes out frequently enough now but i’m not hearing anything back.  i assume it’s mostly because they’re all in different states than i’m in.  but i’m trying to move back north.  or it may be because i’ve priced myself out of my qualifications.  i don’t know.  but i want to get out of what i’m doing right now.

  

  

~ today i learned… British terror threats are called BIKINI alerts, there are 5: White - Black - Black Special - Amber - Red

 

trippin’

i’m still thinking about what relatively local trip to take with M.  yes, we went to DC a few weeks back but that was for the cherry blossom festival, and while it was nice it was also kind of a bust thanks to mother nature.  so i’ve been thinking about taking a warm trip somewhere.  M and i have usually summered with a couple, we rent a place and spend a week soaking up sun, drinking, and just relaxing.  but they just had a baby.  and while i knew we hadn’t made plans for this summer, and while i refused to set up a formal trip with M to some exocit locale, when M got a call from this couple yesterday and told me they were on vacation in FL i was kind miffed.  maybe they told M they were going on vacation without us, but if they did, he hadn’t told me.  so the first i really heard about us not doing a summer trip with them is that they’re already on it.  i’m not a fan of that.  i like notice.  if something is implied i like to know when things change and it’s not going to happen.  i know i’m being ridiculous because i didn’t really expect them to go on vacation with us now that they have a family of their own, and it’s not like we had solid plans that they just disregarded, but i like to be kept in the loop with things that involve me. 

so i started looking at little trips for M and i to take.  after spending one day at the beach this weekend, i’ve got suntan fever.  i need a beach weekend.  i know that my finances will not allow for a fancy vacation this year, but maybe a couple small ones will suffice?

i was thinking of doing Ocean City MD.  we spent alot of summers there as kids since my family is from maryland.  i have great memories of the place but every time i go i’m disappointed at how run down it’s become.  while i don’t expect that it’s gotten any better it still has sand and sun.  and i’m afraid there isn’t much that compares to thrasher’s french fries or fisher’s caramel corn.  i’m starting to salivate just thinking about them.  plus going there would give us a chance to swing through the town my relatives all live in and visit my father’s grave.  so that’s my first choice.

the second choice is Atlantic City in jersey.  we both love gambling and i’ve never been there.  though i’ve already pre-judged it and decided it’s dingy and dirty and for the elderly and/or trampy.  but we’ll see.  i started looking at hotels and found this one, Come Wright Inn Bed & Breakfast. that’s just wrong.  so wrong.  makes me not want to go to AC at all if they let people get away with this crass mess.  also, if we go to jersey i want to hit six flags and rutt’s hutt (i dream of this place, i love hot dogs!)… but each of these is even further from AC than i wanted.  which means we’ll need to add more days or have a crazy packed trip… and i want to relax.  maybe we’ll just have to settle for six flags NE when i go to CT. 

i dunno.  i’m just ready for a real vacation.  i’d love to go somewhere fancy, but i think i’d like to try a few small trips here and there instead.  spread it out a little.  it’s probably just the nice weather.  because for the past few months i’ve been anti-trip-planning for fear that i’ll stay with M even longer than i should simply because we have a future trip.  i don’t put it past myself, i’ll use any excuse i can conjure up to stay with him longer.  but i also shouldn’t punish myself just because he’s got issues.  so i figure what the hey?  let’s just put some plans down.  they don’t have to be months down the road, but a few weeks is cool.

so i’m taking recommendations on hotels in AC or OC that are under $250 a night (trying to make these fun cheap trips).  anyone got any suggestions?

  

  

~ today i learned… ninja warrior didn’t crown it’s first champion until the 4th season ~

i guess i’ll dig out the hip-waders

i’m gonna need them because i’m waist deep in bullshit!  grrrrr!

when i began working for this small company i was so relieved to find that there wasn’t nearly as much bs floating around.  and we were able to actually get a little work done.  then we were bought by a HUGE company.  so far we’ve still been operating like a small company for the most part.  but now, now it’s starting to get ugly.  i’m in the middle of wasting HOURS UPON HOURS creating an email.  an email to restate the things i’ve already talked about with a person from our sister company at least 3 times.  the fact that i’ve already talked to him isn’t what’s pissing me off.  it’s that the VPs are kinda’ lording over the entire thing now.  i understand them wanting to know what’s going on.  i’m fine with that.  i’ll give you as many updates as you want.  the bs is that they want things spelled out in a certain way to send an email to the person i’ve been dealing with.  which is silly because WE’VE ALREADY HAD THIS CONVERSATION!  3 TIMES!  and the part that made my blood boil this morning was the numerous requests to re-word the email.  “no blaming.  no observations.”  etc, etc.  WTF?!?  so now i’ve spent a total of 3 F-IN days rewriting this damn email (of things i’ve already told him) so it meets the standards of the VPs.  they keep coming back with re framing suggestions.  IF YOU WANT IT TO SAY THAT WHY DON’T YOU JUST WRITE IT?!?  i’ve given you all the details you need!  i’m not a mind reader!  and i can’t stand watering things down with niceties.  i just want to state the facts and get the damn job done.  instead we spend calls and emails trying to nicely say that someone else f-ed up.  why?!  i get professionalism.  but this isn’t it.  this is political bs.  and VPs wanting to feel like they’re being impartial but they’re really just making the process painful and less likely to get resolved in any sort of short time frame.  i’m over it.  and what i find hilarious is that this all started because someone started pointing the finger at us, but we’re not allowed to point out that they’re not innocent themselves.  i can’t stand this kinda’ shit. 

is there ANY place out there where you can just do your f-in job?!?

  

(oh yah, and L arrives today so i’ll be back on monday!  have a great weekend everybody!!)

  

~ today i learned… that i’d rather buy new shower liners than take the time to clean the current ones… i’m THAT lazy (and they’re only like $3… my time it worth SO much more than that) ~

little ones

- i was talking to my mom around 10pm last night.  she asked what i’d done that day.  i told her i’d dragged M to service, then we had the parade just out my door, and then we’d made a real easter dinner.  ham, potato salad and other real meal stuff.  then as we continued to talk she caught me off guard when she asked “so has M gone home yet?” and i froze.  i said “mmm” and just prayed that when M stepped out of the bathroom he wouldn’t say a word aloud.  i didn’t want to lie to my mom and say “yes” but i also didn’t want to tell her “nope.  he’s here. and about to hop into my unmarried bed of sin.”  but when she didn’t accept “mmm” as an answer she asked again,  this time i said screw it in my head and just said “yes”.  i couldn’t disappoint my mom on easter.  but part of me thinks she knew i was lying anyway.  i guess i’m just going to be 16 forever when it comes to her.

- my friend L (this same one) is planning on visiting in about a month.  i’m so excited!  she’s never been down here to see me.  and especially since i’m thinking about moving, it’ll be nice to know that she came here at least once.  her divorce was final a few days before we spoke, but i was still a little lost for words when she asked if i wanted her to bring her boyfriend.  i wasn’t really expecting that.  i get it though.  i told her if they want a reason to get away then they’re more than welcome to come down here.  afterall, with all the details she’s shared about her ex losing his freakin’ mind i’m just happy she’s going to get away for a few days.  i can’t tell her how afraid i am for her (i know it’s only because i’ve had a girlfriend killed by her ex, but you just never know what kind of crazy stuff people are capable of).

- i’m doing a little bit better cutting the swears out of my daily vocab.  when i was on the phone with my mom and i said “fuckit” i realized i no longer had control of my cursing.  it was just too ingrained for me.  i’m going in with the shock & awe method, cutting out the most offensive word first - fuck.  then moving onto the smaller grade swears like bitch and shit.  i can’t say i’m not going to miss them.  but it’ll be nice to go back to being a lady again.  not a sailor.

- i just got 6 more accounts at work.  wtf?! (oh, abbreviations for swears are allowed for now, but not the entire word… my rules : )   i just dropped about 10 clients to get on my way to having an almost manageable client roster.  now it’s back to being absurd.  i’m so disenchanted with this job right now.  and i’m tempted to point out to my boss how much they’ve screwed me over, and how less-than-pleased i am about it.  but, while i think they’re way too understaffed (my main issue) to fire me, i’m always afraid of that.  i like to stand up for what i deserve at work, but i don’t like to stir the pot too much.  i prefer being on good terms with my boss and not having them be aware of my extreme distaste for them or the company.

- there’s going to be a very good story on the today show on thursday about a car crash where one girl died and another was left in a coma.  but they switched the identities of the girls and told the wrong families of their daughter’s status.  the families dealt with it for weaks before being told their daughter was/wasn’t really alive.  i can’t imagine.  and i’m so intrigued by just the teasers for this story.  i’m tempted to call in sick just so i can catch it.

- the easter parade that happens out my door is always interesting.  everyone who has a dog brings it.  and even though i have 2 dogs, that are with my mom, i really really really want a puppy.  a frenchie to be specific.  i’ve wanted one for a couple of years but my mom would kill me if i got another dog and didn’t take the two from her.  i have good reasons (they can’t live apart… and one can’t live without her) but she would never understand.  as soon as the warm weather hits it seems like puppies spring out of the ground and suddenly cover the lawn out my window.  all i want to do is cuddle and talk to these puppies.  and given how lonely i feel sometimes i really think one would make me feel a bit better.  anyway, last year at the parade it was puggles (beagle/pug mix)… they were everywhere.  all the rage.  this year i saw alot of frenchies.  as cute as they are it kinda made me sad.  i don’t want to get a puppy that is “all the rage” and have people think that’s why i got it.  yes, i care about people’s perceptions of me (too much).  so i guess it’s good that i don’t have $2grand to shell out on a dog right now.  and by the time i do,they’ll be out of “style”.

- i spoke to my niece yesterday and she wanted to tell me everything the easter bunny brought her.  as she says things to me i repeat them back to her if i’m unsure of what she’s saying.  so she was telling me she got “some candy, cookie monster bubble bath, a kitchen in an egg…” to which i said “oh, a kitten in an egg?” and she said “no, a kitchen in an egg”.   so, again, i said “a kitten in an egg?” and now i could her my sister in the background trying to help her sound out ‘chicken’.  but she kept saying “no!  a kitchen in an egg” the last time i asked, ” a kitten in an egg??” she responded, “a baby… a duckling in an egg”. i laughed so hard.  that girl is hysterical, and pretty smart for being 3.  i can’t wait until the recital in june!

  

  

~ today i learned… charlie buckets is now a cattle vet.  and totally cool with that. (courtesy of FRM - thanks!) ~