honor dilemma

so i have a i dilemma.  okay, it’s not an actual dilemma just yet, but it should be soon (if i’m to actually believe M this time even though he’s told me these things before).  and i figure there is no better place to get feedback and opinions than right here where people are completely impartial.

here’s the situation.  i was the maid of honor in my sister’s wedding 8 years ago.  i was actually blown away when she asked me because we weren’t really that close back then.  i mean we got along, but nothing like we do today.  so i did my duty as MOH and it was great.  whenever i think about it i believe she would have rather asked one of her girlfriends but she asked me because we’re sisters.  we have no other siblings.  it’s just us.  and i’m sure she did it not only because of that but partially because my mother would expect it.  i was honored to serve as her MOH and i had a great time putting everything together.  though, in all honesty, my mother probably planned more of the shower stuff than i did but i helped and took on whatever i could.  for the bachelorette her college roommates planned it and i just tagged along.  it was fun, but it definitely wasn’t my doing and none of it cost me too much.

then 3 years later i was MOH for S.  i never doubted that i’d serve that role.  we met in 1st grade, we were in girl scouts (shut up) together until the end of middle school.  whenever we had the same homeroom we sat near each other because our last names started with the same letter.  at some point in high school (maybe it was because of the alphabetical homerooms) we became inseparable.  so much so that when we were seniors in high school the school paper did a piece on where people were going to college and why.  when it came to the picture of us it said:
notsojenny -
     attending: __SU  
     why: “because that’s where S is going”
S -
     attending: __SU 
     why: “because that’s where notsojenny is going”
no lie, i still have the clipping.  we also ran into our high school principal a couple of years later at the local mall and his comment was “you two are still together, huh?”
we’ve been through alot together.  she’s my best friend in the entire world.  we can go months without talking (though we don’t) and sometimes we talk multiple times in a day for days in a row and the conversations are no different.  we talk about all the disgusting body habits you can’t talk about with other people.  she knows who i’ve slept with, she knows the physical descriptions of some of these guys’ parts.  she knows every heartbreak i’ve felt or inflicted.  what i’m trying to say is that there isn’t a person in this world that knows me better than she does.  and though she’s always been family to me, she’s become family to my family too.  my mom was at her wedding.  he parents will be at mine.  she, her husband, and her boy(s now) are invited to my family holidays whether i’m there or not.  and when i was MOH for her wedding i did all my planning for showers, bachelorettes, dress shit, etc from 500 miles away.  and let me tell you that is NOT cheap.  i spent more money being her MOH than i have on alot of things.  all the travelling to get things set up and for the actual events was really hard but she deserves the best so i made sure she got it.

so who do i make my MOH for my future imaginary wedding? i keep thinking i’ll make the decision when it happens but i’ve been thinking about it long and hard since 2008 started and i have no clue what to do.  my sister and S will be my only bridesmaids, that’s easy.  but how do i handle the MOH thing??  i’m totally lost.  because i know my mom will expect it to be my sister, and she may give me shit if it’s not, but that’s not reason enough to make the decision that way.  i know my sister will get her feelings hurt if it’s not her, she’s the only sister i’ve got and we’re good friends now.  but S has been my best friend much longer and for no biological reason.  we’re just that close.

on one hand i think, okay make my sister MOH because i know that S will be a little hurt but she’s also the one who will understand.  but the fact that S would understand reminds me why i want to have her as MOH.  i’m sure the two of them have thought about it too and i’m sure that they each think i’m going to pick the other one.   since i’m only having the 2 of them i want to call them both MOH but everyone knows that’s kinda’ BS.  only one of them can stand directly next to me that day.  so how do i decide?  i was also hoping that my sister might be pregnant by then because then i can say i’m making S MOH since my sister will have so much to deal with already.  but even though both girls already know they’re going to be in my wedding party (we may or may not have already talked about dresses and such) when the day finally comes that i call them to say “it’s official!” i am going to officially ask them, and i need to know which one i’m asking to be my MOH.  i know how much that title means.  and i know that one of them is going to be touched and the other will be hurt.  you’re supposed to have the girl who means the most to you standing by your side, what do you do when 2 people mean that much to you?

if you were in this situation, what would you do?  who would you pick?
is there another option that i’m not thinking of? 
any suggestions/recommendations/advice are appreciated (that’s why i wrote this post)

i need input!

  

  

~ today i learned… the Mona Lisa is not signed or dated by Da Vinci ~

puppy love

when i was growing up i always wanted a dog.  doesn’t every kid?

we had a beautiful pekingese but by the time i was old enough to play with and enjoy a pet she was already gone.  my mom and i also have this weird relationship where she doesn’t believe me when i say i’m going to do something.  i’ll constantly say “i want to __” and she’ll say, “fine, if you can pay for it” and then she laughs.  but she’s always pissed when i follow through.  i still don’t get it.

anyway, in high school i constantly said “i want to get a dog” and she’d say “fine, if you can pay for it”.  so when my sister graduated and left the house for college i thought that was the perfect time to get a new friend.  i went to the pound and picked out cutest mutt puppy i could find.  he really got my attention because he was the only dog there not jumping up against the gate and barking, begging to be adopted.  i liked that, i respected that.  he was wonderful from the start.  so much personality.  i spent all my time after school & cheerleading and every weekend training him.  he was already housebroken and he picked up on every trick so quickly.  i taught him to sit, beg, speak, roll over, give you 5 and give you 10.  i was so proud of what i’d turned this dog into, he was brilliant!  i think it’s the german shepard in him that makes him so smart.  and he was great at playing tag and frisbee too.  just so much fun.  we quickly learned that he’d been beaten and abused in his previous home which is very sad and so hard to understand.  we discovered that it was by a male (given his aversion to any male that came near him) he eventually warmed to my dad though.  he also would only let me pet him on the head for the first 6 months, he’d snap at everyone else.  this isn’t to say he was perfect, i still have a scar on my leg from where he snapped at me once, but he was just so dang cute.  he quickly became a part of the family.  he also quickly became a chore.  i’d constantly hear my mother yelling to me to clean up after his mess whenever he’d shred something and telling me to reprimand him.  after which he’d immediately run to my mother where she’d pet him and console him.  i still think it was all in her plan to make him love her more (which is one reason i’m afraid to leave her alone with my future imaginary children, she’s quite manipulative).  anyway in time he became dependant on my mother.  when i left to move down here i couldn’t bare to take him away from her no matter how many times she said “he’s your dog”.  she knows full well that he can’t survive without her and she loves him too.  whenever she goes out of town he goes under the bed and only comes out to pee and eat… he doesn’t really care to hang out with anyone but my mom.

so i tell you all of this because recently my mom called me after she rushed him to the vet.  he wasn’t looking or acting right.  they did hundreds of dollars in tests, xray, sonograms.  it turns out that this 35lb dog had a tumor in his abdomen the size of a softball.  they told my mom they needed to biopsy but then just decided to full-on operate to remove it. they said it was connected to his liver by a stem and should be simple to get rid of.  so while my family was visiting, my puppy (now 14) went into surgery.  the vet called my mom as soon as he was sewn up.  bad news.  the tumor was larger than they thought.  he has a 10in incision and they said the tumor was so large they took pictures and found even more spots all over his liver.  now they needed to run the tests to see if it was worse than anticipated.

my mom called me the other day with the results of the biopsy.  he’s got cancer.  i know he’s just a dog but the moment i heard these words i stopped where i was and started crying in the middle of the mall while she continued to give me the details.

apparently there’s ONE dog cancer specialist in the world and they had to send all his stuff out to this guy in Australia to find out if it’s treatable and the course of treatment, or else how long he has to live.  this is all so depressing.  i love my dog.  my mom loves him too.  she refuses to let anyone help with the costs of all of this but depending on what the australian puppy cancer specialist says, we may have a terrible decision to make.  the pup is 14 years old.  is it really worth the thousands and thousands of dollars that treatment will cost?  especially when you add in the thousands already spent just to diagnose and operate?  just to give him another year or two?  but what if he only has 9 months left in him if he was perfectly healthy?  i hate even thinking about it.  but how can you resist spending every penny you have to help this face?!

 

 

  

  

~ today i learned… the average person will consume 10,000 chocolate bars in a lifetime ~

girl time

last week my girls came to visit.  my mom, sister, and two nieces.  it’s was, well, in a word… AWESOME!  i’ve been wanting a girls trip for a long time but it’s been an issue because of my brother in law.  he’s got some lame issues that really bother me and my mom but that’s another post for another day.  so without that background info right now all you need to know is that my sister finally caved to the pressure and brought her girls down here with just my mom.  we had such a good time.  it was a quick trip but it was so nice to just be able to spend time with them all.  i love my mom and sister but my nieces are always the highlight.  i love those girls so much.  i have a great video clip on my camera of my youngest niece running around my living room in the morning laughing her head off and if i knew how to separate the sound from the image i would have it on loop for this post.  it’s the cutest thing in the world.  seriously, if you have never heard a 2yr old little girl giggle like crazy go find one and tickle her, it’s the most contagious sound in the world!

anyhow, we mostly shopped and ate.  we went to our local park and spent the entire day there for one of the days which is always fun because there’s so much to do, nature center, petting zoo, gorgeous lush gardens, it’s just fantastic!  my sister and i left the girls to nap with my mom a couple of times and did some serious shopping, mostly for her.  i bought a pair of shoes and a ton of underwear… i love marshalls!  then after the girls would go to bed the three of us “adults” would stay up late into the nights.  we were watching olympics, bullshitting around, trying on my clothes & shoes, doing girl stuff.  the best though was the last night they were here.  we somehow got on the topic of my imaginary wedding, of which my sister is well aware of the planning i’ve already done.  it was all a surprise to my mother though.  once the conversation got started we were all up past 2am discussing and planning.  it was wonderful!   well except the part where my mother already started disagreeing with my ideas and telling me they’re not good choices.  i was amazed that my mom can even find a way to disrupt my make-believe wedding with her strong opinions.  we were able to get past some things but i can already see we’re going to have some problems.  she’s very opinionated (that’s where i get it from) and we have different tastes which becomes an issue.   i already know that M and i will be fronting the $ so as far as i’m concerned her opinions are welcome but will not be the deciding factor.  i’m kinda dreading the fights that i now know will happen.  oh well.  we’ll get through it.

overall it was a great trip and i can’t wait to go home and see them all again next month!

  

  

~ today i learned… American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class ~

peace

a year ago i suffered a series of events that turned my world upside down and sent me into a tailspin that i don’t know when i’ll ever be completely out of.  a year ago today i was sitting at M’s house.  my sister and her family had just come to visit for the weekend and had left after an outing at Waffle House that morning.  M and i had been talking about what to pack for the Caribbean, we were leaving that Friday, and we’d just begun watching a movie when my phone rang.  i looked at the caller id and knew i had to pick it up because she was probably wondering when my sister was getting back.  so I grabbed my phone and answered it as i walked into the kitchen, waving off M who was asking if he should pause the movie (i still can’t remember what movie it was).  instead of a “hey notsojenny, it’s mom!” what i got was a cryptic message through the choking back of tears.  “i’m at the hospital… with your father….  i think he’s dying.”  Just typing it still brings me to tears.  i can still hear her voice and feel everything i felt at that moment.  M immediately rushed to my side when i began yelling into the phone “WHAT HAPPENED!?  WHAT’S GOING ON!?”  he then pulled out a chair and pushed me down into it knowing that i wasn’t going to be able to stand for much longer.  i remember not really crying, i don’t know if it was shock or what but no tears came right then.  as M started looking for flights online I continued to drag information out of my mother, still not fully getting the story.  after seeing that i wouldn’t be able to get a flight out until the next day i headed back to my apartment to get moving.  as i packed i was strangely calm.  i’m a very good packer, usually.  i make lists and cross everything off so i don’t forget a thing but I didn’t have time to do that. so i had to make a list in my head and go from there.  this day had me more out of my comfort zone than i ever thought possible.  i like to fold everything and make it all fit together in my bag like a puzzle.  but i started grabbing things and stuffing them into my bag.  as i stared into my closet i wondered if i needed a black dress.  i’ll never forget that moment.  it froze me.  Just standing there.   staring.  not having a clue about the future, about what was going to happen.

i drove for 7 ½ hours straight, crying hysterically.  i look back and wonder how i did it because i was so exhausted and i could barely see through the tears.  i just kept telling myself that if i got pulled over maybe they’d escort me, even if it was 3 or 5 states away.  when i stopped to pee and fill up on gas i didn’t want to get out of my car.  i probably looked like a monster with my puffy blotchy face.  when w finally got to CT i drove past my mother’s house and straight to the hospital.  it was hard to find someone at 4:30am but i got security and they took me to the ICU.  after a few hours i went to my mom’s to try and get some rest.  within an hour i was woken by my sister calling.  ahe picked me up and we grabbed breakfast and headed back to the hospital to sit.  by the time my mom showed up my sister and i had already discussed what we would decide to do.  my mom made us think twice, letting us know that he didn’t think it was fair when people’s lives were ended by the hands of others.  but we didn’t have many other viable options.  she called the Dr and he said he’d meet us at 5pm.  none of us could sit there and cry or talk anymore so we went to mcd’s to get some food.  i hadn’t eaten or slept, neither had anyone else.  when we get out of the car i realized we were now a trio of monsters with puffy blotchy faces.  after eating the few french fries and a nugget or two we could each hold down, we went back to the hospital to wait.  5:05 no Dr.  5:25 no Dr.  he finally showed up somewhere after 5:30.  we all stood around the bed and just held onto each other.  watching.  waiting.  the Dr said it would be quick, and it was.  but that heart fights, it does everything it can to keep going.  i watched the monitor.  listened to the rhythm of the beeps get slower and slower and then suddenly very fast, and then stop.  watching the life drain out of someone was too much for me.  i had to turn my head as it happened.  the color of his skin going from pale to yellow to almost grayish.

having the decision to end someone’s life is quite possibly the toughest thing i can ever imagine being saddled with.  we all agreed that this was the best way to go.  but you just never know.  people come back from comas after years, months, days.  you never know.  other people stay in comas for years, centuries.  you never know.  i just remember thinking there’s got to be someone more qualified to make this decision.  the Dr simply gave us the facts and 2 options.  i still with he would have just said “i think the best thing to do is ___.  and here’s why…”

the next day i went over to see S.  we’ve done everything in our lives together, but i never imagined we’d ever be shopping for a shirt to bury my father in.  within 2 days my mom and i were driving to MD to go back to their roots.  i remember “in the living years” coming on the radio in the car and bawling.  not being able to control it.  that song will forever remind me of those days.  of him.

i had been irritated that we were having the service outside of where we’d made our home as a family, but it made sense since all of our family was in MD.  within the first few minutes of the service i realized why we’d done it this way and i changed my mind.  i was so happy for the decision.  so many people that knew him as a child, as a teen, as a young professional all with nothing but wonderful things to say.  people praising what a wonderful man he was.  how he always treated everyone with the utmost respect and affection.  it was so fantastic to hear these things.  with the recent years being as terrible as they were we’d all completely forgotten the person he used to be.  as the three of us spoke to the preacher the day before, we remembered all the wonderful things he did and was when we were growing up (my favorite of these being the cruise nights he took me to every friday.  i loved them.  i loved that it was something no one else wanted to do and i got to spend that time alone with him.  it was our thing. ) people that we’d never heard of had showed up for this day.  people who worked for him over 28 years ago.  these people that hadn’t seen him in that long andstill thought about him and what a great person he was andloved him enough to attend.  it’s a small town and not many people leave so it was packed in that room.  it’s a vision that still makes me smile.  to give youan idea of how small the town is, the preacher that spoke was actually married to my dad’s ex girlfriend and the funeral director was my mom’s old boyfriend. 

a year ago we laid my father in the ground .  i was angry.  i was heartbroken.  i was confused.  i was relieved.  i was sick to my stomach.  not many of those feelings have changed when it comes to this subject.  while i don’t believe in anniversaries for tragic events, i do believe in memorializing.  i’ll never forget this series of events.  i’ll never forget the feelings that went along with them andare still around.   as much as i was in the process of completely removing him from my life i loved him.  in time he had become someone he was not, he had become powerless to the things that controlled him.  but we all know he loved us.  he was always the first one to say it.  my mother, with concrete walls around her, always let him be the one to say “mom and dad love you” followed by a bear hug whenever we’d part.   as much as he tore us apart he was once the glue that held us together.  he was terrible at grounding us, he could never stick to it.  and if we really wanted something we knew to go to him and not mom.  we also knew that the answer was probably going to be “if your mother says it’s ok”.  he always had a full head of black hair.  it never went gray.  it never thinned.  no matter what the last thing i said to him was, I Love My Dad.

still i feel like i should have some huge life lesson out of this.  i should be wiser on some level.  i should have a nugget of wisdom that others don’t have.  but all i’ve come out of this with is that shit happens.  you just have to adapt.

 
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i’ve turned the comments off on this.  i hate when people do that.  butI know that this kindof topic typically elicits supportive comments, even from those who wouldn’t necessarily comment.  and this post is kinda’ just for me to get it out.  i know that anyone who’s lost a parent can empathize, and those of you that haven’t can sympathize.  but i also know that there’s a boatload of support and concern from you bloggers and knowing that is enough for me. 

white to wear

after really looking into all the places i want to go for a long weekend i decided i wanted to go to Ocean City, MD.  the deciding factor was mainly being able to stop in to see my family and visit my dad.  so after i decided what i wanted to do i talked to M to make sure he was up for it.  he was all in.  so then we started to talk about when and decided on memorial day weekend.  even though we’re only going for 2 nights we’ll still have a day to be home and kick back before going back to work, i liked that plan.  

sunday night i started to look at hotels but M wouldn’t let me book anything because he had to “check his schedule”.  what a joke.  if he has anything happening on a weekend it’s typically with me so i knew it was going to be fine.  and there was a hotel on the boardwalk that i really wanted to book.  so monday he gave me the “all clear” to book, and of course that hotel was gone.  so now we’re staying off the boardwalk, which is livable i guess.  as long as i get my thrasher’s fries and fisher’s popcorn i’ll be a happy girl.

attn: boys, yes both of you… you’ll want to skip down and begin reading after the section in stars (girly stuff… not girl talk, Stuff)

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so last night i started thinking about it and realized we’re leaving next week.  and it instantly hit me.  that’s a bad week for me.  i don’t have plans.  but i’m on my placebos.  i hate taking a vacation when i have it.  it’s bad enough that i practically have 3 out of 4wks of spotting anyway.  does anyone have any suggestions?  i’m on loestrin24 so i have 4 days of placebos and they’ll start on thursday, we leave on friday.  i know with OTC and other pills i could just skip the week of placebos and go straight to the next pack, but how can i do that with only the 4 days?  do i need to skip a week?  or just the 4 days?  i’m so confused.  and i always get nervous about it because i can not end up pregnant before engaged.  it’s not allowed.  i’d love to hear any suggestions!  and i’m pissed because i can’t pack my favorite white bathingsuit : (
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so then i started planning out the details of the trip.  friday we’ll both cut out of work a few hours early and get into OC late at night.  we’ll stop for dinner somewhere along the way.  saturday is all beach all day… and we’ll definitely do rides too.  sunday morning we’ll spend the quality hours at the beach, leave around 1 and head to my family’s hometown.  that’s when i started to get unnerved.  the thought of introducing M to my extended family almost makes me nauseous.  i hate to introduce them to someone that may not be around in a few months.  i feel like it’s just silly.  there’s really no reason they need to know him if it’s not for the long haul.  afterall, i don’t expect that many of these relatives will be alive when i do finally get married (i know that sounds terrible but it’s true), and even if they are most of them won’t travel.  so i almost feel like it’s a tease to introduce them.  the only guy that my sister ever brought by was her now husband.  and i’ve already stopped into town with a guy i was dating at the time.  granted it was about 9 years ago, but still, i don’t want them to think i’m a hussey.  and if i were M i would feel awkward about meeting the extended family of someone that i haven’t decided i want to marry.  but really, i can’t drive through this town (which we have to to get to the beach) and not stop.  i never get to see my family.  and they all live within a few blocks of each other so it’s too easy.

and honestly, having him with me when i go to visit my dad may possibly anger me.  i don’t know if  i’ve said this before, but M didn’t come to my dad’s funeral.  it’s a story longer than what i want to write right now but it still upsets me.  and i’ve never told him about this grudge i’ve been holding in the back of my mind about it.  in a couple of weeks we have the annual pub crawl where we always stop and he visits his dad in arlington,  so i know he won’t mind me stopping with me… but i might.

we’ll have fun even though i have all these issues, i just wish they weren’t issues at all.  oh well, for now i’m going to start packing.  all white.  okay, not allwhite, but a lot of white.  i know it’s technically memorial day when i can start but i feel like i wait so long for it that i usually start that weekend.  so i’ll definitely be wearing white on sunday and monday.  saturday is bathingsuit and coverup only so no worries.

i can’t believe it’s next week already.

  

  

~ today i learned… the british always considered the french to be rude, that’s why “pardon my french” refers to saying something vulgar, acting as a frenchman would ~

mom

normally, when i mention my mom, i’m bitching about her.  about her tendency to be critical, condescending, difficult, stubborn, closed-off, whatever.  and while she often is those things, she’s also the incredibly wonderful person i couldn’t imagine living without and i can only hope to one day be as amazing.

my mom is the baby in her family.  she has 2 older brothers who are at least 11 years older than her.  so she kind of grew up as an only child.  we have alot in common because of being the babies.  my mom worked hard when she was growing up.  she’d help my grandfather, a mason, when she was a little girl.  she’d help out with the minks on their mink farm (sorry peta people… i have real mink stoles and i LOVE them!).  she was the one everyone looked out for.  she didn’t get into too much trouble, that i know of, but she seemed to always be on the verge of it.  sometimes she was a little too independent for her own good and that made everyone around her worry.  in junior high and high school she was a majorette.  she married my dad not long after highschool, they were sweethearts. 

when we lived in california my mom was a blue birds and campfire girls leader.  she took me and my sister to disneyland and mickey grove during the days.  we’d spend the entire day feeding the fish, watching the monkeys, having picnics.  when we moved to new england we got to be closer to both of their families, but mostly my mom’s.  when her own mother’s health began failing she brought her her to live with us.  she cared for her day and night until the she passed away. 

my mom was a full-time mom for us.  she wanted to be there for everything we went through.  she was our girl scout troop leader from brownies to whatever the blue level is.  she was always room mother and teacher’s helper for all classes that my sister and i were in.  she always made huge gift baskets for our teachers on holidays.  she’d spend the entire weekend in the kitchen making mini bread loaves and other goodies to put in them.  she does everything with a great amount of care and detail. she went to work for my dad as his office manager once we were older.   everything she does is so professional. 

she’d let me crawl into her bed when i had nightmares.  sometimes i faked nightmares just to sleep in the bed with my parents.  she’d always complain because i’d toss and turn and knock people out with my flailing limbs.  even when i didn’t have nightmares i would run into my mom’s room to hop into bed with her once i woke up. 

when the company my dad worked for went under she took on the role as supporter.  at one point i can remember never seeing her anymore because she was working 3 jobs.  of course i didn’t appreciate it at the time, but she was doing this so we could continue to live the way we always had.  she did this to pay for camp, my cheerleading sneakers, my sister’s violin lessons, art classes.  she did this so that there would still be piles upon piles of gifts around the christmas tree.  she always did everything for us. 

she’s always steered us in the right direction.  she always made sure we put others before ourselves.  she’ll give anyone the shirt off her back whether they need it or just really like it.  she’s only ever wanted the best for us.  she’s always been the one with the final say.  she’s always been the enforcer of discipline.  she may have seemed mean for some of the things she grounded us over, but it’s only because she knew we were better than that and she was disappointed when she felt we weren’t reaching our potential.  no matter what decisions we’ve made in our lives she’s always stood by us.  family has always come first.

she’s spent her entire life doing things for us and everyone else.  everyone comes before her.  i can’t think of a single thing she’s done for herself.  when my father died she was so afraid to inconvenience anyone else to ask them to cover for her that she was still going into work.  my sister and i had to be mean to her to get her to stop. 

she lost her husband, her soul mate, her first and only real love last year.  and she’s still hanging in there.  when i come to visit i look forward to crawling into her bed while she reads, watches tv, or sleeps.  she really is the most amazing woman.  and while the words don’t come easily to her, she tells us how much she loves us with everything she does.

i love my mom and even though i can’t be there i hope she has a great mother’s day : )

 

  

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(sounding the horns)

i received my pay it forward package.  yay!  it’s such a great day brightener to get a package that you really weren’t watching the door for.  and with such delicious goodies inside!

honestly, i was dreading the possibility of winning one of these for having to offer the same thing.  but it’s really kinda fun.  and the thought of putting a package together lends to so many possibilities.  so now it’s my turn… i still don’t know what i will send.  magda actually sent me one of the things i planned on sending.  so go for it people.  all my comments until monday will count.  then i’ll pick a winner and send something out.    … then it will be your turn : )