i ran into someone today. we used to work together. he was my absolute favorite co-worker. his cube was next to mine. whenever we got into the office we’d always drop our stuff and go straight into the other person’s cube. we talked all the time. he was the only person on the team i had real respect for and thought was a genuine person. he doesn’t buy into the bullshit and sees past the smoke screens. i really miss working with him.
so today i was running an errand at lunch when i heard “go hokies!” from behind me. ** you must understand that i was wearing a VT shirt so this wasn’t as unusual as it sounds… i figured it was any tech fan** i turned around to see him standing there. i immediately went running toward him and gave him a huge hug. i was so happy to see him! ever since i left that job we haven’t really had much contact. we’ve talked a couple of extremely brief times and said we’d go hit balls at lunch but we never have. so when he told me he wanted to get together in a couple of weeks for drinks, i half-heartedly handed over my card.
as i walked away i started to get irritated. why bother acting like we’re going to get together when you really have no intentions of it? (this is one of my biggest frustrations with most people… wasting their breath on shit they have absolutely no intentions of doing) i quickly realized i was wasting my energy being irked about it. and i just decided to let it go. that was a huge step for me. and it’s piled on top of another big one i took this past weekend.
when E and i were out shopping she was looking for a certain type of shoe to match a new dress. we were unsuccessful that night together and, as i said before, the next day she went to the event i was so rudely not invited to. so as i was out shopping on my own i saw a pair of shoes that were exactly what she was looking for. i got excited and picked up my phone to call and see if she wanted me to buy them for her (which she would then buy from me of course) since there was only one pair. it was at that moment i reminded myself what a crappy friend she’s been. and as i walked around the store i started really thinking about it.
i’m not a crappy friend. in fact, i think i’m a rather great friend. at least i try to be. i always send birthday cards. i call on special occasions. i get excited for things that are excitng to them. since everything is so b&w with me i don’t really waste my time on people i don’t care for. and everyone in my life, well i’d give them the proverbial shirt off my back. so why should someone being a crappy friend toward me turn me into being a crappy friend toward them, or anyone else? just because they don’t put me first, or they do seomthing to make me feel terrible? i’m a pretty bitter person so my instinct is to just do the same thing to them. if they wouldn’t think of looking at something for me when they’re out, i shouldn’t do it either, right? but i’m not a lemming. i’m not going to do something just because someone else does it (but i will do things people talk me into : ). and i hope that no one has ever been able to say i was a bad friend. i’m okay with people saying they don’t care for me, or that they think i’m a bitch. but i don’t want anyone to ever have cause to call me a bad friend. in my eyes that’s worse.
so then i headed back to the shoes, pulled out my phone and took a picture. i sent it to her and she went and bought them the next day. of course she’s not going to suddenly become a better friend, but i’m happy with myself because i continued to be the type of friend i like to be. so as i was walking away from my former co-worker today i got the same feeling. i hope he does call and we do get together again. but if he doesn’t, i’ll still give him my card the next time i see him and he says we need to get together.
~ today i learned… Zurich Switzerland was founded as a Roman customs post. ~
