i just found out that M is going away on a business trip next week.
normally this isn’t an issue. it’s never been an issue in the past. heck, when we started dating i used to travel every other week for work and then sometimes on the week i was here he’d have to travel. back then it was part of life and we were both so busy that we enjoyed the time to just sit down and relax by ourselves. we’ve both transferred into new jobs where neither of us really travels for work anymore. when we travel now it’s usually a trip we’re taking together. and even when i travel home, he usually comes with me for some period of that time. so i guess this is the first time he’s had to travel and i’m going to be here. alone. as soon as he told me, i was upset.
i love spending time with him. and the fact that he’ll be gone for part of the weekend bothers me this time. i’m so used to spending my entire weekend with him. the more i think about how much this bothers me, the more upset it makes me. i know it sounds sad to say that my life revolves around him, but it kinda does. it’s just so crazy because i’ve always been an extremely independent person. i’ve never needed anyone else. i’ve never not enjoyed time alone. i drove from CT to CO by myself and loved having that much time alone. we just spend most of our free time together now, we’re always doing something. and it’s not that i’m one of those people who gave up my friends when we started dating. he was already my best friend here by then. and all of my other friends, well, as i’ve said before they’re just kind of acquaintances. i’ve asked one girl what she’s up to next week since we’ve been talking about getting together. but if that doesn’t come through i’m on my own. and i have no clue what to do with that much time on my hands. i never have that kind of time alone anymore. and i know i’m always wishing i just had more time to be here and get stuff done. but now that i have it, i have no idea what to do with it.
i guess i could complete the changing of my wardrobe. or maybe i’ll do some shopping and not worry about being anywhere at a certain time (if i do, i can completely call off the shopping ban i was trying to enforce). but beyond what i’m going to do, i know i’m going to miss certain things. even for a couple of days.
who’s going to wake me up for morning pilates with “rise and shine. kung fu today.” in their best swedish accent?
who’s stomach am i going to put my frozen feet on and hold them there while they wince?
who am i going to talk to before i go to sleep every night? (i’ll stlil get to talk to him, but since he’ll be 3hrs behind, it means i’m going to be woken from my sleep to talk)
who’s going to shame me out of buying that next pair of shoes?
who will rub my hands when i wake up in the morning and before i can open my eyes, shove my hand in their face?
who can i put an outfit on for and ask “does this look okay?” and get a reasonable answer?
who will snore me to sleep?
who is going to be around to not send me flowers?
(okay, so this list makes M kinda sound like a sissy… but he’s really just a good boyfriend, except for that last part)
i know he’s only going for 5 days, but i guess i’m one of those losers that relies on their loved one for daily happiness. not that i won’t be happy, but my family and friends will get way more calls during this time. and i’ll probably acquire more shoes. and my place is going to be a disaster with no one to clean it up for. but it’ll be good. i’ll find something to do, right?
anyone got ideas about what i can do next weekend? suggestions?
~ today i learned… that when i have my head flipped over, blow drying my hair, i look like sour grapes with all my skin falling up~
Over the year and a half that J and I have been dating, I’ve gone on FOUR business trips. He’s gone on none. It didn’t seem like such a big thing to me; of course I missed him, but I was really busy and stressed and the time just seemed to fly. He went away for the first time this year, for a long weekend to visit friends–and really, I felt destitute. I don’t know how he did it.
I planned ahead and was looking forward to some serious me-time. I picked out some new recipes to try, I watched some girly movies, and I planned a night out with some of my college friends. Ok, that’s kind of a lie; it planned itself and conveniently happened over that weekend. But still, it was a good distraction. I also got some paperwork and organizing out of the way that I feel bad about doing when J’s around, but needs to get done just the same.
I think the key is to have an agenda. If you have nothing concrete to accomplish, you’ll end up lonelier than before. Good luck, and store up some good M-time this weekend!
Comment by magda — April 4, 2008 @ 12:19 am
I’m the one that goes away in the relationship. I always feel so bad for my husband. I can’t even begin to imagine what he does to pass the time when I’m away :)
Comment by littlespoon — April 4, 2008 @ 9:17 am
Maybe you can round up some of the girlfriends…even though you said you don’t really have your own and have a sleepover.
Find S and ask her to pull out the NKOTB sleeping bag :)
Comment by FRM — April 4, 2008 @ 9:54 am
My suggestion is to do anything. Whatever you want to do, or have been meaning to do- do it! The weather is supposed to be beautiful so I suggest doing it outside.
And if that fails…Golf. :)
Comment by Matt — April 4, 2008 @ 10:15 am
Hmm… sometimes my comments stick…sometimes they don’t.
I’ll try again.
Two words:
NKOTB Sleepover.
Comment by FRM — April 4, 2008 @ 10:57 am
[...] Lonely Girl, Lonely and Blue by NotSoJenny [...]
Pingback by Wordpress Comments Box hates me and I hate it back. « First Rate Version of Me — April 4, 2008 @ 11:27 am