so, as i mentioned, i went to the St Pats festival this past weekend. i love events so this is always a good time for me. and i love the thought of being around bagpipers, irish drinking songs, and step dancers so i really look forward to this day each year (it’s a 2 day event, but one day is enough for me). whenever we go out to something like this we meet up with M’s friends. simply because i don’t have any. and the people i call my friends here all have better friends here so i don’t waste my time trying to budge in on their circle. i like M’s friends just fine. they’re all great guys and girls. and i have a really good time with them.
so the week before the festival my former co-worker, and “friend”, E called to get together for lunch. we were going over our upcoming plans and i mentioned the festival. she said she was going with some of her friends. i left it at that. not a big deal, i wasn’t inviting her, just asking if she was going. of course if she were not going i would have invited her out with us. so anyway, that’s enough of this detail for right now, it’ll come into play in a minute.
when M and i got to the festival we walked in and before we could find the place to prove our age and get wristbands, we ran into one of his friends. that’s how this town is. you don’t have to worry about meeting up with anyone by planning, it’ll always just happen. whether you want it to or not. so after hanging out with him for a bit we ran off to get wristbands and drinks. we usually just wander around and run into people we know. i tend to run into all of the people i call my friends which is fun for me since i’m acquaintances with more people than i actually stay in touch with here. it’s a good time to catch up for a few minutes with drinks in our hands. so as we were wandering over to the beer truck someone comes running at me and grabs my arm. it’s another former co-worker (FCW) who used to work with me and E. “hey former co-worker!” to which she says “yah, E and i are hanging out over here, you guys should stop by!”
i’m not sure what the look on my face was, but the feeling in my stomach was not good. so apparently E is hanging out with other people that i would consider friends but i was not invited to hang until they saw me walk by? even when i brought up this event? seriously? if it were me and E brought up the day to me, my response would have been “yah, i’m planning on going with FCW. we’ll see you there!” it all seemed kinda sneaky and i didn’t like it. so we grabbed our drinks and had to walk by them again to get back to M’s friends so i told M i wanted to just swing by and say hi so i didn’t seem like a bitch. so we did.
we hung out for a bit and talked to everyone, it was fine. i was still a little bitter but didn’t make a big deal out of it. until i heard them talking about another event that’s coming up in a few weeks. and FCW invites E and her husband. then E’s other friend who was there and her husband. and then… some other chick who stopped by for a minute. but never once extended an invitation to me, standing there, staring, listening. at this point my bitterness turned to disgust. sometimes i feel like people are deliberately being mean to me even though i know they’re not, they’re just rude and inconsiderate. this was one of those times. they all just kept going on about what they were going to wear, and getting there, etc. the whole time no one asked if i had any interest in going. which i didn’t anyway. but no one even thought twice about how maybe they shouldn’t be talking about something that everyone there isn’t going to. but still, who stands there and invites people to, and talks about, another event without asking everyone in company? it’s so crappy. and this reminded me why i didn’t like FCW nor E during my last few months at former job. this is what happens. i get left out. and in ways that really hurt my feelings. and as much as i like E, i remembered that i don’t like her around FCW. she’s normally a considerate person.
i remembered that the last straw was when we were coming back from a work trip. we had all booked our flight together and deliberately had our seats together. i checked into the airport with another co-worker earlier than FCW & E. when the option came up to upgrade my seat to an area with more leg room, i declined because i realized i was the center seat between FCW & E, and i didn’t want to stick them with a stranger there. then when they called boarding areas they were called before me. it was odd, but i thought it was just because of them being in window seats or something. as i boarded the plane after my section was called i saw them, and i was pissed. they’d upgraded their seats. they were sitting there, giggling, chatting. as soon as my eyes caught them i looked away so that neither tears nor fire would shoot out of my eyes. that’s when i heard FCW say, laughingly, “she’s so pissed”. i continued on to my middle seat between two strangers where i couldn’t even sleep. that was the last time i even thought about being friends with them. until E and i were booted from the company. we’ve hung out plenty of times and regularly get together since then. i really enjoy being around her and have tried to put the airplane seat event (and the 2 weeks worth of similar events on that trip) behind me. i had successfully done this.
until last saturday. now i’m pissed again. and i’m not going to bother trying to be friends with her anymore. i’ll be nice. but i’m not going out of my way for her. we have a group meeting once a month that i’ll see her at, and i’d already invited her to come to my house to watch the road race this weekend. but no new plans will be made. not after that another display of insincerity and complete disregard for another person’s feelings.
so long E. i’m not wasting my friendship on you anymore. you’re now an acquaintance.
~ today i learned… during the swearing in of George Washington the bible was opened to a random page, which happened to be Chapter 49 in the Book of Genesis the content of which speaks of new beginnings.~
