tradition

i’m a white girl.  i’m as white as they come.  i’m all sorts of european.  english, welsh, irish… oh yah, and american indian.  but overall i’m just anglo.  and my relatives have been in this country for generations.  there’s some pretty neat stuff in my family, like an island.  but for the most part we’re just generic americans.  we have our own family traditions, but nothing cultural.  unless you count baked ziti at thanksgiving, but i think that’s just regional.  this is why i embrace M’s heritage whole heartedly.  M is half japanese.  his mom was a war bride (awful term by the way) but she’s american now.  but i love that he’s got this great culture to belong to.  i always wanted that. 

so i’ve grown to love everything about the japanese culture.  except the sushi, i know that makes me a minority.  but i’ve always wanted to learn a second language (i don’t count the french i took because i’ve forgotten almost all of it by now).  so i began to learn japanese when M and i started dating.  i thought it would be perfect because he could help me.  it turns out he doesn’t know any.  he can name a few foods in japanese, but other than that he’s clueless.  i was really surprised, but it made sense after a while.  when he was growing up, it wasn’t the in-thing to teach your children a language other than english, even if your native language was something else.  but now that everyone is teaching their kids multiple languages  i’d completely forgotten about how things used to be.  so now i just rely on his mom to help me.  she only really speaks japanese when speaking to her sisters and brothers or anyone who’s still in japan.  but when i see her i like to run things by her and get her to adjust my pronunciation or explain something to me a little better.  and it’s great.  japanese has been an easy language to learn.  so far.  the sounds have been hard to adjust to, since the only other languages i knew before were romance languages.  but the compilation of sentences is so much simpler.  i love it.

i also like learning about japanese traditions.  i love that they’re so different from what i’m used to.  so going up to to DC for the cherry blossom festival has been on my list of things to do for a few years now.  not only do i love fairs/festivals (and i love a parade!) but the fact that so many japanese performances, educational events, and displays will be going on makes me ecstatic!  i love fireworks.  so even though M has to run a marathon in the morning, we’re going to head up in the evening so we don’t miss the fireworks… okay, so a 10K isn’t a marathon, but it might as well be in my book.  i also want to go to the zoo, and a few museums while we’re up there.  i’ve recently been given the approval to book the trip.  it’s nothing crazy, just a hotel since we can drive there.  but i can’t wait.  it’s nice when we finally get our act together and do something that we’ve been talking about for years.

  

  

~ today i learned… NYC has 28k acres of parkland. ~

dress up

i just saw these dresses and am in love…

how friggin cute are they?  i have no idea where i’d wear them, but last year i decided to buy more dresses and incorporate them into my wardrobe more instead of just saving them for special events.  i think these would be great for the summer.  they’re not every day dresses, but how nice to go to dinner in them or something.  and there were alot more dresses that i fell in love with but these are within my budget.  okay, not so much in my i’m-broke-i-gots-no-money budget, but i can afford them if i really wanted to spend the money.  i’m torn.

i also really like these shoes… they look like a crossword puzzle. 

seriously?

- yesterday i was watching a piece on fire detectors in your home.  they were talking about how children sleep right through them most of the time.  makes sense to me.  but they had this family that they were displaying this through.  they had the parents sitting in the kitchen with a closed circuit tv watching the children sleep through the fire alarm that was going off, they had a stopwatch.  i don’t really know what the stop watch was for.  but these parents pissed me off.  here they were getting so worried and upset because their small children were sleeping right through all of this noise, and they commented on how bad that is because that means their kids would die in a fire.  what?  seriously?  when the fire detector wakes you up, and you see that the house is actually on fire, you don’t run into your children’s rooms to save them before you run out of the house?!?  i’m not a parent.  but i can say with absolute certainty that if my house were being engulfed in flames the first thing i would do on my way out is make sure my children are safe.  who just runs out of the house and hopes to see their small kids out there already?

- i was watching the local news last night and they run through all of the terrible crime stories that happen in this area.  they did a quick blurb about the local rapist who just got 6years in jail.  then they did a quick blurb about the local dentist who got caught with child porn on his computer.  he got 90 mos. in jail.  seriously?  did you think that putting it into months would make it seem less and it would just slip by?  apparently if you rape a few people you get 6 years, but if you have a disturbing fetish/sexual preference you get 7.5 years.  that’s bs.  i would go to that dentist before i ever went on a date with the rapist.  that’s just crap.

- my “marketing” team at work blows.  i know i’ve mentioned/eluded to this before.  and i come from marketing, so i feel like i’m a pretty good judge.  my main problem with our “mktg.” team is that they don’t.  they don’t market shit.  they don’t do anything.  the only thing they do is ask me what marketing i’m doing for my clients and nod their heads.  even when i ask them for results on the marketing i’ve done, i’m instructed to run the reports and then give it to them.  why?  so you can read it to me?  so sometimes i get really bitter at work and like to call people out on stuff without being overtly bitchy.  a client is coming in this week so i decided to schedule some meetings.  i put “marketing” on for a chunk of time and told them they’ll need to present their ideas at this time.  as soon as i hit the schedule button one of them called me.  “can we schedule a meeting for the day before to go over what marketing plans you have in place for this client?”  seriously?  you think i’m going to sit down with you and tell you my marketing plans so you can present them as your own in the meeting?  no.  i’ll let you figure some shit out on your own or else don’t bother to come to the meeting.  i hate you!  i’m not exaggerating.  i hate these people.  they make my face feel like is on fire.  they infuriate me!  there are two kinds of people that i really despise in business… those who take credit for the work of others and those who let other people take the blame for them.  grow up people.  take some responsibility.  and stay the f away from me!

- i’m broke.  i gots no money.  i hate when it gets like this.  i always feel so rich, then christmas comes.  and i spend a hefty down payment on a car on gifts.  i can’t help myself.  but then i slowly build back up.  and i pay my bills with no problems.  and i have a large cushion in my checking account.  and then i go to check the balance and it’s $200.  seriously?  i just got paid and have about $100 out in checks right now.  i’m supposed to live on $100 for 2 weeks until i get paid again?   with gas at $3.03/gal?  and a 83 mi. each way commute 2 days a week?  that stinks.  and now M’s birthday is around the corner, my mom is coming to visit the next day, and R’s birthday is the day she leaves.  that whole set right there is a large sum of money that’s leaving my bank account. i know that i’ve done an unusual amount of shopping lately, and that’s where my money has gone, but still.   i have savings, and it’s more than i’ve ever had stocked away.  but i don’t like to touch that.  that’s for emergencies ONLY… well, emergencies or a wedding dress : )

- i parked my car under the tree out front the other day.  it sat there for most of the day.  when i walked out of the house to leave i noticed it was covered in purple poops.  and i mean covered.  so i decided that a car wash was long over due anyway.  i wash and detail my car meticulously when it’s nice out, but it hasn’t been lately.  i’m extremely anal about my car.  i know every little detail that’s on my car.   i can see a new scratch or dent from a mile away.  and it ruins my day.  since it was chilly out i decided to go through the expensive car wash where they really detail it while you wait.  when we pulled up there was a line, and i didn’t want to wait.  M talked me into going to some automatic car wash for $5.  i figured what the heck?  it’s only 5 bucks let’s do it.  sure enough, i pull in, get my car washed, pull out and go to target.  at target we noticed it.  the hood emblem on my car was destroyed.  it was like the logo peeled off of the emblem.  i was so upset.  i was now cursing and slamming things down as we shopped.  a very woe is me attitude.  so the next morning i called the dealership to get a new sticker, or whatever they are, and i had to schedule an appointment.  as i was hanging up i asked, “about how much is this gonna be?” i was expecting like $10 -20.  he said “around $50″.  seriously?  having a nice car is so much more expensive than just the payments.  i just paid a grand to have the brakes done.  maybe that’s why i’m broke!

  

~ today i learned… that Giada is having a girl ~

and i just can’t hide it

first, a random thing…
last night M did it again.  we were having a good conversation and then he brought up his stupid golf trip for this summer.  and without warning it pissed me off.  it just made me snap.  luckily my mom called right then so i was able to break away and cool down.  but why doesn’t he learn?  i’ve already told him that it ticks me off.

i’m so excited about…

• going to DC for a long weekend.  just booking the trip makes me giddy!  i’m so excited about it!  there are fireworks on the schedule, festival stuff in the plans, museums to attend, and the topper of all toppers… the zoo!  i also really like staying in hotels for odd reasons… mostly because of my membership status which means we get cool perks.
• going to my niece’s first recital ever.  i can’t think of a better reason to drive 8hrs!
• my mom coming to visit.  no one ever visits me.  when i first moved people came once a year, now they all feel like they’ve done their duty.  my sister brings her family down once a year, but everyone else has craptastic excuses as to why they can’t.  whatever.  my mom and dad used to visit alot, but this’ll be the first time she’s been back in probably 3 years.   and i’m going to be fully prepared in my you-can’t-break-me-with-criticism mental armor so it’ll be enjoyable.  and she’s my mom!  i’m really excited but i also have to start cleaning… now!
• going to Japan.  okay, so it’s not really written in ink anywhere yet, but it’s in the plans.  and the longer it takes me to be able to afford it, the more *fluent i will be in the language.  *by fluent i mean i’ll be able to get around, eat and shop… i know i’ll never be fully fluent in any language.  but the first phrase i’ve mastered is “how much do those shoes cost?  and those ones?  i’ll take ‘em.”
• my birthday.  okay, so i look forward to this about 359 days a year, because i consider my birthday to be a week long. i love my birthday!!  and if you must know, it will be my 26th birthday.  yes, again.  yes, still.  don’t question me.  i can have my 26th as many times as i want.  and it’s going to stay that way until i say otherwise.
• getting married and having babies (or one baby).  this isn’t on the calendar either, and it’s not imminent or guaranteed.  but of course i’m looking forward to it.   back to my obsession with wedding planning.
• being pregnant.  i know there’s really un-fun stuff that goes along with this, but i really only want to think about the cool stuff.  like people always asking questions about your belly.  and getting to eat a grilled cheese every single day (that’s what the commercial says).  and making the decision on whether or not you want a surprise or you want to know what it is.  and one of the best parts, getting to buy new clothes!!  i’m definitely not looking forward to the labor stuff, sounds so painful and gross.  bleh.
• going to the opera.  getting season tickets is one of the best thing i’ve ever done down here.  it forces M and me to have real get-dressed-up-and-go-out-like-adults date nights.  i love dressing up all fancy.  i take about 2hrs to get ready and i love every minute of it.  i feel so good on those nights.  plus i have new dresses so i’m even more excited about it!
• may 30th.  anyone know what that is?  that’s the day i’ll be watching the SATC movie!  yes, i’m one of them.  and i’m so excited.  i don’t even care if the movie is bad… i need a fix.
• all of the shows that are coming out (new shows and/or new episodes) in march and april.  high school confidential.  the bachelor.  big love.  the hills… don’t judge
• the new body shop body butter scent coming out in april.  since they always discontinue what i like i keep a close eye on when the new stuff comes out… keeping my fingers crossed that i really like this new one.
• traveling out to see some of my clients in the next month or so.  i don’t get to travel anywhere near as much as i used to, and this makes me feel a little bit closer to being able to keep my status for all my perks.  and again, there’s something i really enjoy about staying in hotels.  it’s like a quick little vacation.  it’s just always nice to get away.

  

  

~ today i learned… that putting deodorant on at night, right before bed, makes it more effective. ~

weight a minute

i love We tv.  sadly i have regular digital cable, and didn’t opt for the extended package so in my area that means that i don’t get We tv.  but lucky for me M does.  so when i spend the weekends at his place i spend large chunks of time watching We tv.  i can’t help myself.  they have all the wedding shows.  bridezilla, big fat fabulous wedding, rich bride poor bride, etc, etc.  i’m also super excited about the show that starts in a few weeks that follows girls through 4 years of high school.  i could write an entire post on my thoughts for this show concept alone.  maybe i will once the show begins to air.  but back to We. so this weekend i curled up in M’s bed, while he was watching the nfl combine in the living room, and prepared for watching a few good wedding shows.  that’s when i caught the commercial that threw me for a loop.  it’s basically a show about brides who want to trim down for their weddings, and they set them up with a trainer or something like boot camp, not a big deal.  but at the end of the commercial they named it… ready for this?… Bulging Brides.  are you kidding me?  okay, maybe you’re not as appalled as i am because you don’t have the visuals in front of you.  but i would never have considered the girls they showed “bulging”.

okay, let me back up a few steps.  i’m not that girl.  i’m not that girl who goes off about how society has put unrealistic pressures on girls to look a certain way.  i don’t even completely agree with that statement.  i actually feel like it’s really healthy for society to pressure people to look good.  that being said, i don’t categorize “looking good” as everyone needs to look like ally mcbeal.  i just think that there’s too much risk when you have let yourself go so far that you have dangerous fat surrounding your organs.  and why does everyone come down on people who look good anyway?  not everyone who looks good has an eating disorder.  i’m also a strong believer in marketing.  and i think that every single day you’re marketing yourself.  that means looking good in your size, shape, clothes, hair, everything.  i don’t care when i hear people say that it’s not what’s on the outside that counts.  because everyone knows that what’s on the inside is the most important.  but it’s a fact of life that people are going to judge you.  like it or not people, first impressions are just that.  and you can never get them back.  it’s a fact that people will decide whether they want to get to know you better based on what they see on the outside.  not what they think you may be like deep down.  too many people live in this dreamworld where no one will judge you until they know you.  wake up.  and i’m not saying that everyone needs to be a size 4 and have perfect hair and makeup.  i’m not even saying that people need to be trendy… i’m so anti trendy.  but marketing is all about presentation.  that includes personality.  believe it or not you can put that on display as much as you can your killer booty.  so whether you’re a size 2 or a size 22 you can look great and light up a room.  you just need to know how to present yourself.  learn what looks good on you.  it doesn’t matter what’s in style or what you may wantto wear (ahem, skinny jeans).  i really can’t stress this enough.  you see, i have a problem that most people don’t.  so i’m very familiar with these issues.  i’m tiny.  i don’t mean petite.  i’m a person of small structure.  i maintained my high school weight up until about 2 years ago.  and i didn’t keep it up on purpose… all i’ve wanted, ever since my freshman year of high school, was to gain 15-20 lbs.  well sadly i’m there and it hasn’t changed my body the way i’d like.  even though i’ve had to begin dumping alot of my high school stuff, i still haven’t filled out as much as i want to. 

*bitching tangent ahead*
i don’t think people empathize enough with the skinny girls.  of course i’m biased.  and i can hear eyes rolling all over earth.  but it’s hard to be thin.  the only eating disorder i’ve ever had is overeating.  but yet, for my entire life, people have accused me of being anorexic or bulimic.  of course growing up i thought this would all end once i was an adult.  umm… yah… it didn’t.  i’ll never forget when i started a job a few years ago and a few months later the women i worked with came clean.  they were taking turns watching me after lunch.  to see if i went straight to the restroom.  are you kidding me?  and they thought this was appropriate?  and they thought it would be something i’d be okay with after they told me?  it’s amazing how one sided the weight issue sometimes becomes.  i can’t tell you how many times women have asked me (in their most disgusted voice) “how much do you weigh?”.  wtf?  how much do you weigh?  since when is that an acceptable question to someone you just met?  and my favorite is always “you’re so skinny it makes me sick”  and i’m supposed to take it as a compliment.  call me crazy, but anything that ends with “makes me sick” is hard to take complimentary.  so at some point a few years back i decided to be a bitch about this… but in my own way.  for example i was at a company christmas party one year when they announced that the food was ready.  one of the ladies i was talking to said, looking me up and down, ”but what do you care?  you probably don’t eat.” to which i immediately replied “oh i eat.  i just throw it all back up afterward”.  this shut everyone around me up.  i chuckled and walked away.  who cares?  people think i have an eating disorder no matter what i say anyway, why not have fun with it?  and if i have to read another magazine article talking about how skinny is out, i really am going to puke.  it’s not fair to bash people because of their size, no matter what that size is.  i eat like a normal person, i am starting to work out like a normal person.  i’m not the devil just because i have a hard time gaining weight. 
*end of bitching tangent*

anyway, my issue here is not that there’s a show encouraging women to slim down.  it’s that they used the word “bulging”.  the only way i can imagine that the girls in the commercial would ever be bulging out of anything would be if they put something on that was four sizes too small.  i’m not good at estimating height, weight, age, distance or anything.  so i have no idea what size some of these girls were but i’m pretty sure they were under size 10.  is that considered bulging these days?  my whole point is that the grass is always greener.  no one is perfectly happy with their weight.  brunettes want to be blondes.  straight hair people want curly hair.  and so on and so on.  i’m all for people wanting to tone up and be healthier.  but i’m also for people being happy with what they have and working with that.  i would love to wear shorts, but no one want to see my chicken legs so i don’t.  it’s a public service.  but i think sometimes things are taken a little too far for dramatic effect.  and i may not watch this show because of this dramatic stance they’ve taken.

i realize there isn’t much of a story to this post, but i really just needed to vent.  thanks.

  

  

~ today i learned… that carol burnette had chin implants shortly after shooting Annie and had to do some reshoots with her new face ~

why i visit

she’s like a dog.  she has acute hearing that allows her to hear, from the play room on the other side of the house, when the door knob turns.  so as i am opening the door in the kitchen she’s already running towards me.  once the door is completely open she freezes in her tracks.  she makes eye contact with me.  then, as her bright blue eyes begin to widen with excitement, her feet start to move.  standing in place she begins a flashdance move.  her blonde frizzy ringlets bouncing all over.  as she’s running in place she screams “ont notsodenny!” (she’s 3… the “j” sound isn’t there yet).  once the words leave her mouth she allows herself to step forward and reaches her hand out.  as i reach mine out she grabs it and drags me across the house to the playroom where the make-believing shall commence. 

this moment is why i visit.  it’s what i look forward to for 8hrs on the road to get there.  it’s what brings tears to my eyes when i think about it.  this is my niece.  my first one.  the one that changed everything.  it’s what i’m going to miss as she gets older.

when my sister became pregnant with her, but was trying to hide it, it was obvious.  even from another state i knew it.  but when i was heading home that christmas i didn’t really want to hear it.  i didn’t want it to be true.  here i was living all the way down here.  and i had said to myself that i’d move back once lives started changing.  i didn’t want to miss those moments.  and suddenly i was faced with it.  i really didn’t want to miss her pregnancy but i was really enjoying my life down here.  and i was so happy to have a life of my own.  so i told myself that i’d move back once the baby was born.  my sister and i grew up in a different state than our family.  and no one ever visited us.  we were always responsible for visiting them.  so we didn’t know our family very well.  where we grew up everyone else went to visit their grandparents on the weekends.  went to dinner at their aunt & uncle’s.  we never had that.  and i didn’t want that to be the relationship our kids would have.  i didn’t want my niece to not know me.  i didn’t want to not know her.  as my sister approached her final weeks of pregnancy i was very excited.  she was going to call me when she went into the hospital so i could hop in my car and be there when the baby was born.  i remember, clearly, the day i was sitting at work and my phone rang.  “It’s a Girl!” she said.  i burst into tears and started bawling at my desk.  i was so upset.  i’d missed it all.  she hadn’t called me when she went into labor because she said she didn’t want to bother me.  i was sad for days.  excited because i had a neice, but bummed because i missed everything.  but it was my choice to stay here.  so i had to deal with that or change it.  and i was still stuck with what i really wanted to do.  ideally i wouldn’t have to miss any of these things.  i would be able to live the life i created here, but also have my family around.  unfortunately it’s not an ideal world.

she’s my god-daughter.  she’s my niece.  she’s the love of my life.  i kept going up to visit whenever i could after she was born.  seeing her at different stages of infancy.  and now seeing her as a little girl.  but there are more kids now.  i have another niece.  and S has a little boy, who is my nephew.  but as much as i love all of those kids, none of them compare to the first one.  it’s awful to say.  but it’s true.  she’s my favorite.  maybe it’s because she’s the first one to have a personality.  to be able to communicate.  i love calling and talking to her on the phone.  even though we have a hard time being in the same conversation, i still love those phone calls. 

and my sister called me the other night to tell me that my niece mentioned me in her pre-school interview.  when she was asked what she liked best about summer she said “going to visit ont notsodenny and going to the beach.  we make sand castles.  and the waves come and wash them away.  then we put all the beach toys back in the minivan.”  and the other day when her little sister broke her piggy bank she said “it’s okay.  i’ll ask ont notsodenny for a new one”.  she likes to dress up and play pretend but you have to ask her who she’s pretending to be.  sometimes she’s a doctor.  sometimes she’s a fireman.  one time she was “ont notsodenny” (honestly my first reaction to being told this was, uh oh.  what’s she wearing?).  for a young kid, who only sees me every couple of months, she sure has a memory.  and it thrills me like nothing else.  i assumed that since her other aunts and uncles were closer, and she sees them more often, she wouldn’t know who i was.  every time i would visit i’d be so afraid that she wouldn’t know me.  but every time i open that door and she comes running, screaming my name, it makes my eyes fill up with tears.  i love that she remembers me.  i love her as if she were my own.  for me and my sister, having almost no family, being close to our family is so very important. 

i can’t wait until she comes to visit and we go to the beach and make sand castles.

  

  

~ today i learned… that the first phone book was published in 1878 and it had 50 names in it. ~